My Observations

* Disclaimer *

These are my thoughts; though they may be public domain, please have enough respect and understand that they are mine and are not for the use of your own deviant agenda.


Sunday, August 16, 2009

Weight Loss - So I hit a plateau for a couple weeks there. I would fluctuate between 3 pounds, neither going over or under but somewhere in between on each day. I started a exercise routine and wondered if that was it. I was on the verge of being discouraged when I measured and weighed last week and had lost 1 pound for a total of 28 pounds. I measured and went down 7 1/2 inches, which the time before I had gone down 10 pounds and 7 1/2 inches. So I was happy to see that even though the scale wasn't showing a difference my body was. Well I've stayed consistent with my exercise routine and have officially lost 34 pounds and 41 1/2 inches all over as of this morning! :D I feel fantastic!

What's more surprising is that 3 years ago when I was a couple pounds lighter then I am now, my measurements were bigger then they are now! So I may weigh more by a couple pounds but I'm smaller physically. It feels great and has made me even more determined to keep going. I understand that plateau's happen and will happen in the future but I'm going to stick them out. The reward is so worth it!

Another interesting fact is that the last time I lost this much weight I did it over a span of 10 months. I've currently been working on losing weight since early June! Only two and a half months! :) It makes me feel my next big goal is very attainable! I've reached my first goal which is to lose 32 pounds. My ultimate goal is an additional 50 pounds but my next short term goal is 25 pounds. So I'll keep you posted!

Birthday Plans - I'm not sure if these plans are going to happen yet but... I want to have a BBQ on my birthday which is September 4th. I picked Friday because I'm going to BootieLA on Saturday September 5th with a big group of friends and that's always a late night so I figured I'd be too tired to do anything on Sunday September 6th. So we'll see if I can pull this together. Right now the financial side of it is what's concerning me, even if I have everyone bring something. But I haven't had a big party at this place yet. I've had a dinner party of about 20 people but this would probably be bigger then that, at least I hope so. :) Oh and I plan on going to Disneyland the day of my birthday if that works out. I signed up for the free birthday pass but since I already have a season pass I hear they give a gift certificate in its place.

Job Search - I've been pretty discouraged about the whole job hunt thing. I've gotten confirmation that doors are staying shut for a reason, just haven't figured out what God's reason is yet. That might seem a little odd but it's true. Things have happened that there is no other explanation then God shut the door. I'm trying to stay positive about that. It's hard to understand when I don't see the bigger picture. But that's what faith is all about, trusting in what you can't see or understand.

Unexpected Honesty - Right now I feel so torn between being a good Godly woman and being completely unrestrained in opportunities of the worldly nature. There's a song that fits where my hearts at.
Satisfy - Tenth Avenue North

Before the sun has touched the sky
Colors bursting from Your eyes
Before the flood of the morning light
Before the earth has felt Your heat
Before I stand up to my feet
Before I begin to feel this weak

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
I'm begging You, help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

When the day is closing in
Like the stars in the night I am falling
Into the pull of the earth and it's affection
In me, oh lord, can you create
A pure heart cuz I'm afraid
That I just might run back to the things I hate

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Yeah, I'm begging You, help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're love is all I need to live
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, more beautiful
You're love is all I need to live

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
I'm begging You, help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord


My relationship with God has become stronger in this time of having to trust His plan for my life but I also feel the draw to do things I've always been against in my personal beliefs or what I have always felt was morally unacceptable. It's been quite a challenge! Especially when the opportunities keep presenting themselves at the most unexpected times! Of course, that's when it's the hardest to prepare yourself to fight against the temptation! Those of you who understand where I'm at, please pray for me to have continued strength.

A Chair's Photography - I'm almost afraid of sharing this because I've said it so often. I actually have made steps to moving forward with the business plan. I am happy to say that the signs that God wants me to move forward with starting my photography business are too great to ignore anymore! I have to get it up and running and right now is the best time! So hopefully I'll be sharing updates in regards to this very soon!

I woke up at 3:30 this morning to make my way down to Pasadena for another photography group outing. This one was organized by my friend James. James' friend Jon (2Factor Photography Smug Mug page) joined us, and I had a great time learning new things about how he started his business and what he uses.

Our photography group is planning on getting together every 3rd Saturday of the month with a new photography project or location each time. If anyone is interested in joining let me know! This next month we've decided we wanted to play with nighttime portraits and I'm going to use my friend Andy as my model (he's already agreed)! I wanted a rock star look and he's got it! I'm really looking forward to playing with lighting. Jon has some external lights and Septembers project all started when I asked if I could just go with him when he's shooting a portrait with external lighting. I am really happy about this group. I hope it grows because it’s a great way to gain more knowledge and it's so fun to talk to people who have the same passion as I do about photography.

Here is a couple of my favorites


Depeche Mode - I'm going to Depeche Mode Monday night at the Hollywood Bowl! I love Depeche Mode! I'm a little nervous because Dave Gahan has been having voice issues and has had to cancel a couple shows this week per doctors orders! The last email I received said the two shows at Hollywood Bowl would still be happening but I'm still nervous! That would totally suck! Especially since a couple of the people going with me have never seen Depeche Mode live before! It seems crazy when I've been to at least 1 show per tour in the last few tours. :) I love the Hollywood Bowl as a venue so it should be very cool!

Labels: , , , , , , , , ,




Monday, July 27, 2009

So since my last post, life has been filled with non-stop adventures! Gotta love that right? But that means LOTS of pictures (as usual)! So I guess the first announcement might as well be the biggest…

Weight Loss – So I’ve lost a total of 27 pounds as of today! Better yet, I’m able to fit into jeans I haven’t been able to wear for over two years! I love it! Oh and I have lost a total of 27 inches all over! Yup, I feel great! I’m so close to my first goal! I’m proud of myself. And I have no desire to falter or cheat. Ok so there are those days but they haven’t happened in a while. I want to lose the weight at a healthy rate. And, I haven’t been working out as consistently as I would like to but I’m still very happy with my success!

In my last post I had to run off and didn’t finish explaining the wedding and the busiest day of the month last month.

6.19.09 Terrance & Holly’s Wedding - I can’t share the pictures of the wedding because I haven’t given them to the bride and groom yet. I’m waiting on them for something so I don’t like sharing until they have access to them first. So it should be sometime next week.

6.20.09 Toni Michels Funeral – Well there is nothing good about funerals. I will say it felt like a reunion of the old Aspen Street Crew, though I wish it was under different circumstances. Toni had a big impact on my youth. It’s hard to imagine I won’t see her, on this earth at least. Steve had written his thoughts out because he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through talking about it. His brother read it for him. The one statement that stood out to me is that every time he goes to bed and wakes up he will feel the sorrow of her loss the most… Wow! How true and real is that? I went to school with Shawn and I got teary a lot during his talk, but it wasn’t until his oldest daughter got up to speak that the tears flowed. She talked about how her Nana always said she loved her more then the universe and broke down in the middle and Shawn had to finish for her. It was so tender... She ended it saying "Nana, I love you more then the universe". Yeah, not a dry eye in the place.

She passed away from Breast Cancer so the entire family wore pink of some sort which I thought was fitting. The women wore brown dresses with pink ribbons in the pattern. The guys wore black shirts with pink pin stripes and pink ties with a breast cancer sweat band on their forearm. All the grandkids wore pink of some sort as well.

After the service I got a chance to talk to the family and it was an emotional morning. Toni will be missed.

6.20.09 Sasha's Going Away Party - I left there and had to rush to get lunch and head down to Sasha’s going away party in Yucaipa. Here are a couple of my favorite shots. It was a nice time. I didn’t get to hang out with Sasha that much but it’s always so relaxing at the Clements’s home.


6.20.09 and Poet Sky @ Old Towne Pub Pasadena – I made my way out to Pasadena to make sure I would get there in time. The drive was relaxing. I was looking forward to the show and the venue has so much character I was looking forward to taking more pictures there again. I had a great time that night! Poet Sky was on fire! Their last show at this venue was a bit of a disappointment for them but this one I think more then made up for it. And it was a late night!


6.29.09 Laguna – My sister and I had an appointment in Irvine again. And since we were both going down together for once, we decided to spend the afternoon at our favorite beach afterwards. I love Laguna! I found it difficult to just sit and relax. I wanted to be exploring, taking pictures or walking around. Heidi on the other hand enjoyed reading and lying on the beach.

I posted a status update on Facebook and a friend called me and had a recommendation for where we should eat for lunch, Sun Dried Tomato. I was laughing but he took care of everything! Made the reservation and even suggested what we were to eat and where to sit while we were there. And we got there and decided against outdoor seating only because it had gotten chilly and we also decided against his food recommendations because of the day’s specials. It was yummy! All-in-all a great day!

7.1.09 Monthly Worship Concert – My church, The Place, is putting on monthly concerts the first Wednesday of every month. This was our very first one and I am thrilled to say it was a success! We even had a hotdog cookout because it was so close to the 4th of July. We had a great time! I’m looking forward to the next one!

7.4.09 4th of July – I normally don’t get out to the fireworks but was happy to be able to this year. We met up with some family friends and I was impressed with the show.




7.10-12.09 Santa Cruz – My sister was hired to do makeup for a wedding up in Santa Cruz. They paid for the cost of her travel, her hotel room as well as paid for her time. Since I don’t have a lot going on, she asked if I wanted to join her. Of course I said yes! How cool is it to experience a trip up the coast at no cost to me other then food!? So, we decided to take the scenic route which was the 101 to the 1 since we were leaving Friday and had the time. It was such a great time with Heidi and I, we had so much fun being silly and listening to great music.


It was such a beautiful drive! I had a hard time not stopping every few minutes to take pictures!


Saturday was the day of the wedding and while Heidi started work on the bridesmaids I had made arrangements to meet up with my friend James. James and I have been friends for years (10+ easy)! He usually has to come down to Southern California for us to hang out so this time I was actually able to meet him up in his territory! We’d always ended up at Santa Monica Pier when he’d come down and he’d always say it was nothing like Santa Cruz Boardwalk. And sure enough he was right! I loved it there! We had a great time walking around, talking and catching up and of course me taking lots of pictures!

I got back in just enough time to get ready for the wedding that evening. James stuck around so that after the ceremony we went back to the boardwalk and then went to Downtown Santa Cruz and walked around. It was a great day.

Sunday we took the boring route back down the 5 Fwy because we were on a time crunch. My brother’s band, Poet Sky, was playing and we had decided to be the hard core fans and drive 5+ hours to go see their show in Pomona that night.

7.12.09 Poet Sky & AMP in Pomona – Before the show I wasn’t sure I had the energy to make it through but as usual once I start snapping pictures I was energized! The show was originally supposed to be in a bar but there was some confusion and luckily they were able to play out in a courtyard which I thought worked out better!




It was a long crazy weekend but nothing compared to what was coming the following weekend!

7.17.09 Camp Schultz Practice – Andy had asked me if I had time to go take pics of his band while they practiced for their show the next day. It was a short practice and early enough that I was able to stop by for about an hour and take some shots. I was pretty happy with how they turned out.


7.17.09 Club E (a Gothic Event) – My good friends Joe and Erica had put on a big Gothic party for Erica’s birthday. They wanted me to take pictures for it and were generous enough to pay me for my time. I had a great time shooting pictures and enjoying the nostalgia of my old wannabe Goth days just out of high school. It was a bit of a reunion as a lot of the people there were friends from that time.

7.18.09 Pasadena Photo Walk – The only bummer about my late night out was that I had already agreed to be in Pasadena the next morning at 7:30! Yeah I got like 2 hours of sleep, but I don’t often get out there and take artistic shots of random places. But that was the point of the event and I took advantage. Sadly we were all supposed to meet up after a couple of hours but the location they set wasn’t opened for another hour so everyone just kind of went their separate ways. I was looking forward to checking out what other people shot.

Anyways, we got done and with the lack of sleep and being out in the hot sun, I was definitely losing it. I needed sleep bad! I got home and took a nap for a few hours and had to get ready for my final shoot of the weekend.

My friend James had been the one to invite me to the event and we stayed close while taking our pictures through Old Town Pasadena. We plan on going back out on our own August 15th and we’re going to invite anyone who wants to go to join us. If you’re interested let me know.

7.18.09 Camp Schultz and others with CJ Ramone – So Andy and Chris were pretty excited about their show with CJ Ramone who was going to be playing all the old Ramones songs. My other friends, Voting with Bullets, were there as well so I knew a lot of people at the show.





At some point in the evening I lost all gumption. I believe it was the lack of sleep catching up with me because I got unreasonably moody. I struggled to even want to be there. I felt like I knew everyone but that there was no one there that I could hang out with. Everyone I knew was in the bands playing so they were too busy. By the time CJ Ramone came on I just wanted to leave. Mike from Camp Schultz convinced me to stay because when was I going to get a chance like this again? I was glad I did stay but I didn’t close out the event, I stayed for about half the set.

Job Hunt – So I had a pretty big let down this week. I interviewed for an Admin II position for the Pharmacy at Kaiser in Victorville on Monday. I felt good about the interview and sent out my thank you letter as soon as I got home. I found out Friday that they went with someone with Pharmacy experience, which makes sense but I was pretty down. She told me I did great in the interview and thought the thank you letter was definitely a nice touch (thanks Russ!).

I have another job I’m still waiting to hear back from but it’s been dragged out because of some issues beyond their control, so I’m not sure when that one will be confirmed one way or another.

So it’s taken me over a week to complete this post! Hopefully it won’t be this long before I can post again. I really need to start writing less or posting more often. Not sure.

Labels: , , , , , , , , ,




Saturday, June 27, 2009

I've been doing a lot of reflection. Or I should say I've been avoiding my responsibilities. Being unemployed sucks. I am a person that likes order and schedules. I find it hard to function without them. I've said it lots of times, I thrive on chaos. When I have an open day, or MANY open days, I find it hard to stay motivated to stick to a schedule. I get bored easily. The week before last was almost a little too busy but I'll go into that later.

Today I woke up determined. I didn't realize it until I saw that I woke up when my alarm went off, something my body seems to have been rejecting any other day. I accomplished a lot before 10am.

I have been finding comfort in coffee for once. I normally have to have fufu coffee but since I'm on a diet and can't have sugar I'm stuck with plain old coffee, cream and sweeteners. With the heat, add some ice and you've got a refreshing drink that feels like a treat. Either way, I got out of the house. For the first time I went and sat down at a coffee shop, did my devotions, wrote in my journal, and read some of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (I want it read again before the movie comes out). It was oddly relaxing. Sure it was hard to block out the sound of people talking, debating how our country could mourn the loss of a pedophile (which I'm inclined to agree, sorry to those readers and friends who are actually mourning the loss... I can't seem to bring myself to feel sad at all). But people came and went through the coffee house and there was plenty of time for quiet. I enjoyed it a lot! I think I will do it on a regular basis.

As I sat looking out the window at The Grind (the coffee house), a sudden rush of appreciation filled me for the fact that I live in beautiful Southern California! And that I have no idea where I will be in the future, even the near future. My future is completely unwritten. And I felt for the first time a sense of anticipation rather then dread or fear about what’s going to happen next! I have no idea what God has in store for me. It's totally open! But knowing that even in a few months my life will not be what it is today is no longer scary but exhilarating! As I wrote this, a song came into my mind...

What's that song?... Unwritten - by Natasha Bedingfield.

Youtube video

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way oh, oh

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest still unwritten

(Gospel)
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten


Sometimes we get so preoccupied with worry over the unknown that we forget the unknown should be looked at with excitement! Today can change the rest of my life depending on what happens next!

I think being unemployed has its advantages. How many people feel like their life is so repetitive? They feel like they are going through the motions with nothing new and exciting to report. The same old job day in and day out. I'm not saying they too couldn't look at their life with anticipation but not even knowing what your next job is going to be, who you will work with, where you will be living, etc. is quite unnerving for some people. Lately, it's been scary to me. I have been filled with dread that I would fail. Not be able to find a job before unemployment runs out and be stuck dealing with horrible finances. Wow... What a depressing picture huh? But today I'm filled with the possibilities of what God can do! I am excited to see His plans unfold and what He plans on bringing next in my life! I want to enjoy this time off as much as I can! Because when I do have a job, there may come a time when I feel stuck. So I am going to try to experience each day with anticipation and excitement for what God has planned. I guess reading this, it seems so obvious. I didn't hate life before, or think every day was horrible, but I did feel dread and fear. I no longer want to feel that way. The idea of not knowing what's coming tomorrow is bringing a smile to my face rather then worry!

Ok so I barely survived the busiest week of the month! Lots of emotional ups and downs and the worst day (Saturday, June 20th) was the biggest emotional roller coaster of them all! So at this point I haven't even gone through all the pics so they may or may not be attached to this post.

Weight Loss - So I've officially lost 15 pounds! Yay! I feel great and have only experienced a couple days of hardcore cravings. I'm realizing they are more emotional cravings which I knew my problem was emotional eating. I haven't measured in a while. I normally wait till Monday to do that. But my last measurements put me at losing 12 1/2 inches all over! How cool is that!? I went to try on clothes and am practically a whole size down! :D I don't know if it's noticeable to anyone else. My brother said he could tell (which is cool cause he's a guy! lol), but no one else has said anything. I think I need to lose my first goal before people will start noticing. But I'm halfway there. :) I haven't cheated either. Once you get the hang of it, it's not too hard to figure out what you can and can't eat.

Jam Bernardino 6/13/09 - So I went down to check out my friend Jimi play. He is quite the talented guitar player! I had never had a chance to see him live. I was able to hang out with him, his new girlfriend and his friends back at one of his friends beautiful mansion! I had a good time.

It's funny that I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings and around unfamiliar people (aside from Jimi and Sasha) and I was actually a bit shy! I guess it takes me to be in my own surroundings to be myself. :) But I had a great time. Jimi's friends were cool, down to earth people and I really didn't feel too awkward around them.

Disneyland! 6/15-16/09 - So I was able to make it to Disneyland one last time before my block out dates started! It was quite crowded as I'm sure everyone else was attempting the same thing. I went down with Linda, Vicki, Emily and Stephanie. They got a room and asked me to spend the night. I, of course, couldn't pass that up. :) We took our time getting down there the first day. And it was cool because Stephanie hadn't ever been on some of my favorite rides, so it was fun to experience that with a first-timer. I am finding that I like California Adventures more then Disneyland. Probably because I've been to Disneyland so much the rides are classics and California Adventures is all still new. We even got a chance to watch the Electric Parade. After the parade we met Jerret who came down to take Stephanie home since we were all spending the night.



The next day it was REALLY hot and WAY more crowded. I think we went on a ride or two but ended up heading out early. But I had a blast! I was so glad I was able to go with them!


House sitting 6/16-18/09 - So when I got back from Disneyland I had to house sit. I was a little tired but found it relaxing to be at the place I was housesitting. There were a lot of animals with specific instructions but all-in-all it worked out pretty good. But this meant I hadn't spent the night in my own bed from Monday - Thursday! I was thinking it's a good thing I didn't have a job!

Rehearsal Dinner 6/18/09 - Holly wanted me to take some pictures of her and her fiancé to be printed up for a frame at the wedding. She was pretty stressed out but I didn't mind. I was down at Edwards Mansion and scoping the place out for the wedding day. Our original goal was to take pictures before the rehearsal but we ended up doing it afterward. I specifically didn't want any landmarks in the pictures because I didn't want the guests to know it was the same location. I picked a pretty green spot and took maybe 100 photos. Here are a couple of my favorites.


Also on the way home the sky was so beautiful I had to snap a couple shots. I had a car pull up next to me checking me out while I blindly shot pics out through and out my window. hehe


Ok so I was going to continue on the rest of my busy week but I have friends bugging me to get to a BBQ... I'm off for now... More to come...


Terrance & Holly's Wedding Shoot 6/19/09
and
Toni Michels Funeral, Sasha's Going Away Party and Poet Sky @ Old Towne Pub Pasadena 6/20/09

Labels: , , , , , , , , ,




Thursday, June 11, 2009

How often have I started my blog posts with something like "Life is good"? And even though I have no job, struggling to even find places for me to apply to, I can honestly say life is good!

Though I find it difficult to understand why I don't update my blog more now that I don't have a job. The funny thing is, time flies for me now that I'm not working. Before I know it the day is over and I don't have much to show for it. I consider it a productive day when I get at least ONE item on my "To Do" list completed. But I will say this week I've gotten a couple items each day. It feels good to have completed items that have been on my list for the last 3 weeks!

There are a lot of changes going to be taking place in the next few months. I know this even without having a clue where my next job is going to be. I had an interview a couple weeks ago and honestly I'm quite hopeful. I was told I should hear something right about now so please keep praying.

God is doing a lot in my life right now. I feel closer to His call on my life then I ever have before. Or I should say more able to hear where He is directing me. It's been a long time since I've felt even somewhat close to Him. And I think there is a maturity with it that makes me more aware of even the minutest voice. I love it! I am not saying I'm where I need to be, far from it actually... But it just feels so good to have that closeness again.

I'm getting involved in ministry again. The Care Place is an umbrella organization for the church. My dad put it on the back burner for a few years and amazingly the people in the church have come together with their individual ministries which make up the entire mission statement of the original Care Place and some of these people didn't even know about The Care Place. So it's like God is opening the doors to start something big! I'm really excited! We have our first official meeting June 20th. But it looks like we'll be doing a worship once-a-month, hopefully starting a soup kitchen, making blankets for the people in the community, and lots more. But those are the things we feel we can start pretty much right away.

June Chaos - This month is going to be quite busy. But as I always say, I thrive on chaos. These are the events I have on my calendar as of right now.

June 2nd - Camp Schultz Live shoot Chris and Andy from Poet Sky are in another band called Camp Schultz and I went to take pictures of their show. They are quite good! I was definitely impressed and I'm not a big "punk" music fan. Here's a couple of my favorite pics from the night!
June 4th - Lunch with Rachel and Rashaell for the latter's birthday. We hung out at Rashaell's for most of the afternoon.
June 5th - Dinner and the movies with my friend Jeremy. We went to go see "My Life in Ruins" and I hadn't even seen the previews before he mentioned it. It was a cute movie.

June 6th - BootieLA with my friend Andie. Ok so I've had a lot of people ask me "Bootie whah!?". So go to this website, www.bootiela.com. Basically it's a club where the dj's do mashups all night long. The music is awesome! Everyone should experience it at least once! But if you can't make it to the club then download the Best Of mp3's they have on their website. Best of Bootie 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008. I think 2006 is my favorite. Anyways it was so fun dancing and letting loose. It was their 4th anniversary in LA. I missed having Russ there, because he's the one who introduced me to it. But I still had a blast and can't wait to go again! Hopefully Russ can join us next time. ;) Oh and my sister did my hair and makeup. I had fake lashes on and everything. :) You can see the progression of how the hair and makeup held up with all that dancing around and sweating! lol

June 7th - My parents 40th Wedding Anniversary!!! Talk about setting a great example for me. :) They went up to Big Bear for the weekend so I didn't have to do anything for them but it's still a definitive landmark!

June 10th - Operation Blankets Some of the ladies from the church put together some of those easy fleece blankets for the needy children in the community. We're going to be getting together once-a-month to make them.

For the rest of the month:

June 13th - Jam Bernardino to check out my friend Jimi perform a short acoustic set.

June 15th - Disneyland!!! I'm sneaking in one last Disneyland trip before my blockout dates start. Linda has asked me to go with them a few times and every time she asks I was busy doing stuff. So this time I'm hopeful it will work out. :)

June 18th - Rehearsal Dinner shoot. The couple wants me to come to the rehearsal dinner and take pics of them. They want these pics ready and printed the next day so I'll shoot, go home, play and send them to the bride Holly so she can get pics printed for the wedding.

June 19th - Terrance and Holly Wedding Shoot The wedding is in the evening at Edward's Mansion! I've been there one other time for my friends wedding and it's a beautiful place. I'm looking forward to how the pictures are going to turn out. :)

June 20th - Busiest Day of the Month! In the morning I have the first official meeting of The Care Place which I'm running for the office of the Secretary. That afternoon at 4pm I am going to Yucaipa for a Going Away Party for my good friend Sasha. It's a bittersweet thing because I'm sad she's going but happy for her achievements and she's following her dreams. I then have to be in Pasadena at 9pm for a Poet Sky show at the Old Towne Pub. It'll be a lot of driving that's for sure.

June 26th - Jr and Brandie's Wedding Shoot They are getting married in San Diego in the morning and the place looks very pretty. This is a small wedding. They will be having an intimate beach lunch as their reception. I love the beach and taking pics should be a lot of fun!

June 29th - Irvine then Laguna Beach with Heidi. Heidi and I are going down to Irvine for an appointment and we both like to go to the beach afterwards. :) I usually go alone so it'll be nice to spend time with my sis.

Toni Michels Funeral - A good friend of mine, Toni Michels, lost her battle with cancer. She passed away on Wednesday. I know she's in a better place and out of pain but it's hit me quite hard how big of an impact she's had on my life. She was such a good listener. And to be quite honest I've been avoiding thinking about her death because I had felt the need to call her for the last couple of weeks. Every time I would think to get my phone and get her number something came up. Right now I regret that more then anything! (sigh) :( They had moved and I lost touch. The funeral is in California sometime in the next week or so.

Weight Loss - I've started focusing on weight loss again. I've been walking more regularly but now I'm sticking to a lifestyle change (I hate the word diet). I will admit the first two weeks are more like a jump start but I am determined, nervous and excited about it. I'm ready for the change. I'm ready to start feeling better and having more energy. So hopefully in the next two weeks I'll have significant weight loss.

I want to lose 32 pounds as my first initial goal. I know better then to set the big goal. I won't be weighing in again until next Monday.

Anyways, I think that's it for now.

Labels: , , , , , , , ,




Sunday, March 22, 2009

So I'm surviving on only 3 ½ to 4 hours of sleep. I got home at 4am and got out of bed for church at 8am. But I had an absolute blast last night at the Poet Sky show at the Old Towne Pub in Pasadena! I will definitely share pictures. There is just too much to share before I go into that! :) And there will be things I skip, a lot has been going on!

Possible New Job - I guess now is as good a time as any to share the possibility of a new job. I didn't want to share until I knew it was more certain and sadly it's still very up-in-the-air. I applied for a job out in Pasadena about the end of last month. A friend of mine had the owners email address so I sent over my resume' not knowing what would come of it. After a few communications and a very successful interview I was confident of being offered a job. So what's the issue? I was told during one of our conversations prior to interviewing that they only had one concern, they didn't like my commute and that if the position was offered, they would expect me to move to Pasadena!

I wish I could be more excited but there is so much I'm still waiting on. I got an email from the owner last week stating that they are planning on hiring me (yay me), but that it was just a timing issue at this point. They would hire me to head out a new department and they have a lot of logistics to work through in getting that department set up. Now, you would think I would be ecstatic but there is still so much to consider. Even if I was offered a position it doesn't mean I will take the job. I have no idea what they are willing to give in compensation. The cost of living in Pasadena is significantly different then living in Apple Valley.

But I have to say this... when they first approached me about the position I was thrilled with the idea of moving to Pasadena. I immediately looked up cost of rent in the general area, talked with my brother about moving out there together, and started getting SUPER excited about the idea of such a minor yet drastic change in my life. I've always loved Pasadena! I would go out there just to visit and get away. Even my family took the news of the idea of me moving really well! But then I reached the bottom line I started to get concerned that the salary offered wouldn't be enough to make the move feasible.

So at this point, my future is in a bit of limbo. I know what I'm going to ask for salary-wise and if it's God's will then what they are willing to pay will match or be reasonable enough that I could work with it. My friend James is concerned I'm going to settle for less then reasonable and to be honest I'm slightly concerned about doing the same thing myself just because I love the idea of moving to Pasadena so much. I don't want to put all my hope in this job and have it not be a viable solution to me needing a job, and not just a job but one that I believe I would enjoy utterly and completely!

I have had to keep handing it over to God. I keep trying to take it and figure it out. And to be honest there are too many coincidences for me not to see His hand in this. So if it is what God has planned then no matter how much thought I put into trying to figure it out, it doesn't make any impact on the final outcome. I also have to realize that if it's NOT God's will then I can't be too disappointed (which in all honesty I would be).

Goals and Plans - So I have decided (along with continually handing the Pasadena job back over to God) I will keep up the search for work (which can be pretty depressing), and keep going on with life as my unemployed self has been. I have a lot of goals and projects I want to work on and I will say with the concept of being unemployed, I have been a bit of a slacker in doing anything truly productive in a search for a job, or completing projects I have around the house. But the last couple of days and even confirmed in the message at church today, I feel the conviction of getting over this lazy mentality. I'm done procrastinating. I'm going to set goals, make plans and keep a normal routine. I'm not going to put things off any more. I'm going to start getting up a little earlier then I have been, walk, do my devotions, look for work and by then it should be lunch time! So I should have plenty of time to get projects going in the afternoon. Even my brother has plenty of webpage side projects he’s gotten from clients. Now that I’m not working I can complete them quicker then when I’m stuck working nights or weekends on them.

Elaina’s Adoption! 6/11/09 – So Rachel and Tom’s adoption of Rosie finalized FINALLY! It’s been 4 long years and I’m sooo happy for them! I wasn’t going to miss being there for anything! I took some pictures and the whole thing was pretty awesome!



Visiting with D'Arcy 3/16/09 - Facebook has connected me with a lot of my friends from when I lived and went to school in Alaska. One of those friends being D'Arcy who updated her status one day to say she was enjoying her sister’s bakery in California! D’Arcy lives on the East Coast so I immediately asked where she was and we made plans for me to drive down to where she was staying so we could visit! It was awesome chatting about the last 15 years of our lives. I got down there at about 1pm and didn't leave until after 8pm.

Here is a pic of us I believe in 1992 (poor quality) and below that the current picture of us!


Poet Sky at the Old Town Pub in Pasadena 3/21/09 – So I had been looking forward to this show since I was told about it! At least I was until the day arrived. I started my period and was in the general funk of pmsing. I was looking forward to getting out, dressing up and having a night out on the town (a town in which I hope to be working soon)! Yes, I’m sure this is tmi but I was bloated and felt pretty miserable about the idea of going out. The last show I struggled with emotionally for some reason and the fear of that repeating was severe. Luckily I talked to my mom and my sister and all was well! I felt cute despite my monthly nuisance.

I was finally hopeful again that a night out with my brother and sister could be good fun. My friend Brandie’s friends flaked on her last minute and we had an extra spot in our car so we decided to take her along with us. We got there and were early enough to stop off at a small pizzeria for dinner near the pub. It was great. I enjoyed the atmosphere of a Saturday night in Old Town Pasadena! When we arrived at the pub things didn’t change. There was a very cool atmosphere and attitude of everyone that night. I had a blast talking and hanging out. I was enjoying myself the ENTIRE night. The only bummer was that Poet Sky was supposed to go on at 11pm and didn’t end up playing until 1am! And not only that their set was cut short. LAME! Anyways, without further ado, here are some of my favorite pictures! If you want to see more you’ll have to be a friend on facebook or myspace.


Labels: , , , ,




Monday, September 01, 2008

I'm a little concerned about starting this post. Only because the time is so close to the time I wanted to be in bed. But as usual, my mind gets into writing mode in the later evenings as I contemplate my day, weekend or life. I've had a fantastic Labor Day weekend! Today has been especially lazy, I spent most of it reading! A rare treat! Even took my book outside and enjoyed the beautiful evening! I lost a few hours but it's something I thoroughly enjoy doing and don't get to often enough.

I'm a little annoyed with a chirping of a dying smoke detector battery and the ceilings are little too high for me to get on a chair and replace it easily. It might get unbearable here in a few.

So my birthday is this week. My license is about to expire so I have to get that taken care of. I hope my boss won't mind a late start on Wednesday as I'm figuring that's the best day to do it since my birthday is Thursday. And I plan on going to Barstow since it's so much easier to take care of out there then the Victorville DMV. My mom is making my favorite family dish, we've always called it Grout Brook but I don't know the spelling and when my friend James asked me for a link I couldn't find it anywhere! I know it's a German dish that has cabbage and beef baked inside a bread roll. It's yummy! But odd that I can't find it. I'm guessing either the name is wrong but no matter what combination I looked up in google it always brought me back to cabbage rolls which is not the same at all! Saturday a few of my friends are going to go to BootieLA with me. :) I'm looking forward to going again!

So I mentioned in my last post that I had another post pending. But right now I'm not really in the mood to go into it. So it'll have to wait, yet again.

I'm thrilled to be in my 30's! So far it's been an exhilarating experience and I keep looking forward to what’s going to happen next. I find that God is doing a work in me. It's been a while since I've shared personal feelings. Mostly it's just surface rants about my schedule and projects. Nothing about my innermost thoughts. I think there is a fear especially with my new readers, readers I'm not sure I can trust to hear my thoughts. Silly I know. I have this for the whole world to read, but when it comes to people I know I am not sure what I can feel free to share.

Either way, at church Sunday the message was very convicting to me. I think God's been working on me, and it was what I needed to hear at that moment. I'm not surprised, it happens quite often. But it's obvious that God's there, holding my hand and pulling me closer to Him. I've strayed so far away. I have so far to go to get back to where I even was, and even then so much further to go to get closer to God. But it's amazing the grace. The overwhelming forgiveness and acceptance and love of who I am right now! Something my dad said struck me as a new concept (for me anyways). We have our body, soul and spirit. Our spirit never sins. Our soul sins plenty. But when I feel unworthy to seek Gods presence sure, my soul is unworthy, but my spirit is sinless... I can go to Him and commune with Him. Another concept was grace and repentance. God's grace is abundant. He will accept us with open arms, even in the midst of our sin. We don't have to be out of our sin to go to Him. But true repentance is when we turn our back on the sin in our life. So, I have sin in my life. Not surprising I'm sure. Most of you know me. Most of you know I struggle to walk the good walk. I will say most of you don't know the true secrets deep within. The stuff I even try to hide from myself, and in turn think I'm hiding from God. Funny how we can think that we are actually hiding it from anyone, especially God. Sin is sin. There are levels of sin but does that matter? Can I truly make myself feel better by saying well at least I'm not doing that? That's then turning into judgment and honestly lately that's the biggest annoyance I have with Christians today. Placing judgment on others, why not pull that plank out first then you can see that speck more clearly, right? haha

I'm not upset, angry, disappointed or depressed about where I'm at. In fact I'm excited. I see the goal. I see a path. Something that seemed hidden from me, but I was so distracted with the lusts of the world that I couldn't see it. I recently ran into an old friend on myspace, in the process of looking at his profile and the people he had on his list... I envied his desire and drive for Christ. After all these years, he's still seeking God with all his heart. I don't meet too many men that are truly seeking God. It actually can be discouraging at times. It was a breath of fresh air and I realized I've fallen into that rut of walking a casual line in my walk with Christ. I've almost come to a stand still. I was looking at those men that make me feel I'm taking my Christian faith too seriously and thinking they might be right. I mean what’s so wrong with enjoying a little of the pleasures of life? (Sigh)... I was starting to take pride in the fact that I was a liberal Christian. Not as uptight about the rules. But the thing is, it's not about religiosity... It's about a genuine walk with Christ. That personal relationship. I get sidetracked.

Sunday before church I confessed a sin in my life. One that was impacting me on my way to church. I was ashamed, haunted by some of the thoughts creeping into my mind. I spoke it out loud, asked for forgiveness and the images disappeared, they weren't in the forefront of my mind anymore. Then I go into to church to find the sermon on grace and repentance and the difference. It was confirmed in my heart. I was forgiven. The question was, did I seek true repentance. Did I turn my back on my sin. Right now I'm not sure. I will say I feel different. I'm not going to say that the temptation won't pull me back in. But I no longer have to feel like I'm unworthy to seek God's help in the midst of my sin. I know most of this is a pretty standard "duh" but sometimes we need reminders.

Someone gave me a hard time about something I didn't think was that big of a deal. I got frustrated and defensive... Again pulling that liberal Christian card, and being angry that someone was being so uptight about my views and actions. I mentioned it to my brother and of all the people to convict me he said something that impacted me. He asked why I was so upset. He is the one that helped me realize that I was defensive more then justified. Whether I want to believe it or not, I was an example. He mentioned a few names of people that might have been impacted by my actions. And honestly I wasn't thinking about them. I was only thinking about the people that know me and don't look up to me. It was a hard pill to swallow but I did. My attitude changed. I can't keep acting like everyone else. God calls us to a different set of rules and guidelines. If I want to be part of that bride of Christ then I will go about my life differently then most people.

My dad recently went to Africa. He came back and as he told me the stories of his trip, my heart yearned to go back. Something about my trip to Africa changed me forever. They say you leave a part of your heart, and I believe I did. Hearing about Pastor Thomas and how amazing it is that my dad would have run into him in Kenya when he is from Lesotho and someone who made a big impact in my life on the trip I went to. I suddenly wished for a simpler life. Being in the United States we're spoiled. We worry about getting new bathroom fixtures and a better couch or even a cute outfit to go dancing in! When you have nothing it's easier to devote your life to Christ. To focus all your energy on His will for your life. Living moment by moment for Him. Having everything and wanting more is so much of a distraction. I long to go back to Africa. My heart wants to do good out there. Somehow, amazingly, God has established our little church out there. We've made an impact. And I'm excited to know that I was apart of it. And I want to continue to be apart. It looks like another trip is scheduled for 2010 and I'm signed up and praying that God opens the doors for me to go.

Some of this may not make sense. But I'm just pouring out my heart. There is a lot of little things I have only touched on. But like I said, I was afraid of starting this when I did since I need to get to sleep. I'm excited to see where God is taking me with all these little insights. There is so much more that I can be doing with my life then worrying about finances and an AAP exam (don't get me wrong I still plan on being frugal and studying my butt off but still).

Anyways, goodnight!

Labels: , ,




Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Disappear
On a day like this I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world, the noise, the commotion
That never seems to stop

And on a day like this I want to run away from the routine
Run away from the daily grind that can suck the life
Right out of me
I only know of one place I can run to

Chorus:
I want to hide in You
The Way, the Life, the Truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me¦

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory
If I don't bring You glory

Disappear Lyrics
Artist(band):Bebo Norman

Labels: ,




Monday, June 02, 2008

So I may regret this in the morning but I can't sleep. Unlike a friend of mine who just posted that he's tired but doesn't want to sleep. I'm the other way around. I should be sleeping but I'm wide awake, and if I'm honest I too *want* to stay awake. I just went to my friend Jonathan's blog and he posted lyrics to a Radiohead song. As I listened to the song (he posted a youtube video of it) wondering what the meaning of the song was, I became very contemplative.

My mind keeps jumping from thought to thought.

The friends that have come into my life.

A flirtatious moment with a guy I'm crushing on

A great conversation with an old friend that at one point I thought about writing off

This wonderfully amazing house that I live in!

Back to the Radiohead song and watching the live performance this afternoon and appreciating their talents.

Wishing my cell phone would let me know someone was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about them

The nerves I feel about this AAP Certification test I take in a few months

All the things I accomplished this weekend - Studying, unpacking, relaxing, talking/visiting with friends

Wondering if I stopped writing and shut myself down, would my mind follow suit?

For the first time in a long time I feel very hopeful. I wouldn't say I've been full of doubt but just kind of down, maybe a bit overwhelmed by it all. Wondering if I can get through the next few months and accomplish everything that I want to. I have felt so unproductive in my personal life since I moved into this new place. I get through a pile of boxes not to see any benefits to my work. Luckily this weekend in a few hours time I was able to finish the kitchen. It is awesome to have one room in the house completely done! I have gotten bits and pieces of the other rooms but I'm far from feeling settled. Then today my dad stopped by and put up a couple pieces in my bathroom which means as soon as I get a new shower curtain it too will be complete! I love this place. I can't wait to have a BBQ!

I shared something at church today and I want to share it here. Last Christmas I felt God laid it on my heart to give money to a friend in need. The dollar amount was specific (not odd, just very set). I really didn't have a lot of money but I couldn't shake the feeling that God wanted me to do it. This isn't a pat on my back but honestly as I sang worship today my heart was so filled with thanksgiving and amazement at all that God has done in my life.

Last Sunday my dad spoke on tithing. Not that the church needs your money but that God blesses your money when you convert it to kingdom money rather then worldly money. During this message the pieces of the puzzle fell into place about my giving back at Christmas time. Along with the message of what tithing is and what it does for your increase, my dad also mentioned that giving does the same thing. As I listened little by little it hit me that the exact amount I gave back at Christmas time has come back to me almost EVERY month since! Random side jobs. I got asked to do a webpage here, and better yet... take pictures there. Talk about blessings being returned exponentially! And it just keeps getting better. Work gave me a raise on Friday which, you guessed it, is that dollar amount. The side jobs haven't stopped coming in either. Someone liked the webpage I did earlier in the year and want me to do one for them, and also would like me to take their corporate pictures! It's awesome when you can see God's hand in your life.

Anyways, it's after midnight and I REALLY need to try to go to sleep. This post may seem scattered but honestly that’s how my brain is functioning right now.

Goodnight!

Labels: , ,




Saturday, April 12, 2008

Where to begin!?! Life has been quite surprising!

A Chair's Photography - For so long I had been looking through windows of what could possibly be (with my photography in particular), but God just hadn't allowed those windows to open... until now. It was somewhat discouraging, but I tried to be patient. I got little glimpses of hope, with people like Joel Eckman Maus contacting me about working with him, (which I still hope to do someday)! Some of you may remember that post in January about him and another wedding photographer George Sillas. Well this week I was contacted by George Sillas's sister Susan Whitney to be an assistant photographer for a wedding in June! I'm totally excited. And how she heard about me is short of a miracle or maybe it was God. ;) His fingerprints are all over this stuff!

Anyways, I'm sort of getting ahead of myself, going back to that post about the wedding photographers. It was in that post that I made the declaration that I wanted to do whatever it took to be a professional photographer. I looked into a photography degree. Even researched some books that might help me organize a business. (I never purchased them and just today Joshua sent me a link to one of the ones I thought of getting. Seriously the signs are everywhere that someone upstairs wants me to pursue this!) But it seems that since I've made that declaration there has been a snowball effect in regards to my photography.

I originally went to this bridal fair because my friend Rashaell asked me to take pictures at her wedding and reluctantly, as well as being scared to death, I agreed to take her wedding pictures. The wedding was March 2nd. And I was happy with the way some of the pictures turned out!

In the middle of March James (from work) sent me a link to the Steampunk Tree House. James is a fairly new employee of Alliance who also loves photography. He's invited me to join a photography blog and group. The Steampunk Tree House was his idea of the groups first photography outing. The Steampunk Tree House originates in Northern California but they are bringing it down for the Coachella and Stagecoach music festivals. The more I thought about it, the more I realized seeing it during the festival won't be much fun because I'm sure it will be crowded. I emailed the project manager and explained my desire to see and take pictures of the Tree House and asked if there was any way it would be open to the public outside of the festivals. He said that it would have minimal access during the festival for liability reasons and he may be able to get me in to see it sometime between the two festivals. After a week or so of no confirmation I emailed him again and asked if he had given it any more thought and sure enough he's opening it up for me on May 1st!!!! I'm totally stoked!

Shortly after that I heard George Sillas was looking for another assistant photographer. I already told my brother about what I thought of his work the day I came back from the bridal fair. Sure enough Brian knows his sister from an old job and his friends, Eirik and Angie are good friends of the sister and they recommended me! This is how it all came to be that she called and asked me to be an assistant photographer. Networking is an awesome thing but I haven't seen it work for my benefit so completely!

The day my brother called and asked me if I'd be interested in being an assistant photographer my coworker asked me to take a family portrait for her and she was willing to pay me. This was shortly after my successful photo shoot of my (at the time) pregnant friend Brandie. I am confident in my abilities to take portraits, or I should say I feel more comfortable with taking portraits. And we have a tentative date scheduled for the last weekend this month.

I spoke with Susan Whitney yesterday and she's invited me to join her for a couple engagement shoots! I'm excited for the experience! It's also going to push me to prepare and study before the shoots. One is going to be done in Vegas at 4am! I'm excited by the challenge night shots will be and what I can learn. Another is scheduled for Pasadena next Sunday. I've already told her I would like to go. She gave me the details of the wedding and what she's expecting of me. Honestly this is the best way to learn! I'm so excited that I get this opportunity to take some great shots without the stress that all the responsibility is on me. I would definitely love to assist more!

Then just yesterday my friend Turtle called me as I was leaving work and asked if I would be willing to be the photographer at his reception! He asked my rate and I told him I would get back to him. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he's a friend, it's not the full ceremony and being that I was already going to the reception meant I was already going to bring my camera and already be taking pictures! So I kept the price low. I'm excited for the experience! It'll be a gothic style so it should be quite fun to shoot!

Moving - So I dropped off our 30 day notice to our landlady tonight. Yup, just like that we're moving. Last Friday on my way up the hill I spoke to my sister about Misty and Jeremy moving out of their place and them needing replacement tenants ASAP and how it's the perfect place for me, Brian and Mike. It did sound nice. Five bedrooms (Mike sleeping on the couch just isn't cutting it anymore and Brian needs an office to work out of), it's a nice neighborhood, we'd each have our own bathroom, and rent was reasonable considering we'd be moving to a nicer place with more space, A LOT more space! Saturday I went and got my hair done at the Salon and Brian stopped by. He was meeting Jeremy to go check out the place. At this point I realized he was taking it seriously. Sure enough we had a meeting at our place that night and decided to pray about it because we had to give them an answer by Monday. As my first sentence indicated we all felt it was the right choice. Now I get to start packing. Yay!

Well I think there was more that I wanted to share but this is becoming a large post. Goodnight!

Labels: , , ,




Saturday, April 05, 2008

My good friend Mel felt the need to share this with me early the week before last. It stuck with me but it didn't have it's full impact until the church service last sunday. I figured it's definitely worth sharing!

Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone; to have a full, deep relationship with another; to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says 'no'- not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone; with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone. I love you, my child, until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me; exclusive of anyone or anything else; exclusive of any other desires or longings I want you to stop planning and stop wishing. Allow me to bring that person to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that's all.

Don’t be anxious, don't worry, don't look around at the things others have or what I've given them. Don't look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking up to me, or you will miss what I want to show you. When you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love more wonderful then you would have ever dreamed of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready- I am working even this minute to have both ready at the same tine- until you are both satisfied, exclusively with me and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me. This is perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and enjoy materially and concretely. True, everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with myself, Please know that I love you utterly, believe it and be satisfied.

It is hard to stumble... on your knees.
I plan on putting together an update post. Lots of great things going on and I can't wait to share!

Labels:




Wednesday, March 19, 2008

What a week, what a week! It's Saturday and I've had a very awesome day! I slept in, ran an errand or two. The day was gorgeous! One of those days when you drive with your windows down, the music blaring and you're just so happy to be alive!

Later in the morning I started to finish up some cleaning in my bedroom when I heard something fall in my shower. I walked in to see a plant my parents had gotten me for Valentines Day had been blown off the windowsill by the wind. At that moment I decided to transport it into a bigger pot, I've been wanting to but just hadn't taken the time. I went into the garage and found my potting soil and picked out the new pot. I have a few. I started with two that needed to be put in larger pots. It's a very therapeutic feeling to have your fingers full of dirt! I didn't hold back, allowing myself to get fully submerged in the task. Before I knew it I had every plant I owned outside and repotted, and my jeans were totally soaked! Sitting on the ground with a hose will do that. hehe I went through two bags of potting soil. But I'm thrilled to have it done! It was a great feeling! I felt so domesticated! hehe Mike wondered where they all came from, apparently he doesn't go into my room too often.

Yup! I'm even posting pics of some of my plants! My favorite is the 2nd from the left



Here they are, these are the ones I repotted



I just looked down to see the wedding invitation to Turtle's wedding. I'm very intrigued by the idea of a Gothic Wedding. I am excited to go. Not sure if I'm going to ask someone to go with me. I can't imagine any of the guys I could bring as my date really wanting to go, but what guy wants to go to a wedding ever? We'll see. I have to RSVP by mid April. I should know by then. I'll probably just go alone. That way I can enjoy the wedding through the lens of my camera. I will have people there to keep me company but I'm somewhat of an outsider in my old goth crowd. I do love my friends, especially Joe and Ericka!

I’m listening to Bright Eyes. It totally fits my mood. I’m very reflective at the moment. I am looking forward to just spending the evening dusting and enjoying my redecorated room. I plan on toning down the knickknacks. I find that I don’t like the type of clutter that I have going on right now. I’ve wanted to go through the stuff in my garage and maybe do a garage sale, but I know it’s not going to be a big one, so I’m not sure what I should do. I have a couple great items from PartyLite that I’m sure people would really want. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to get rid of them. But what am I ever going to do with a chandelier? It's beautiful, I really should just figure out how to put it up!

I’ve been doing some research online. It started with Drew and I looking up “Easter Bunny” on Wikipedia at the midweek bible study. Wikipedia rocks! This week I’ve found myself researching anything I’m unsure about. Last night I even researched a very taboo topic that I just realized a friend of mine is into. I’m intrigued at the reason behind it. He hasn’t shared much with me, nor has he confirmed (nor denied) I’m accurate in my assumption. But I chose to research it anyways. There are a lot of misconceptions, and I’m glad I looked into it myself. All the questions and reservations I had are no longer there. It’s still not something I’d be into but interesting none-the-less.

Going back to the fact that I’ve been researching more and more lately, I think something just hit me. Oddly a situation with another friend which I wasn’t very happy about at first may be the main reason I’ve taken to research. Interesting, I hadn’t thought about that! Early in the week I was talking to a friend and I felt I was spanked (and not in the fun way!) by him for not understanding certain things like the stock market. I was so not expecting it, it came out of left field and at the time I felt attacked. Since then we’re ok, he called the next morning apologizing because he felt bad I misunderstood what he was trying to say.

And the topic in question that day STILL doesn’t interest me. But it did open me up to realize I probably should put some energy into learning about the things (even financial things) I don’t understand. I always avoid the unknown, especially when my circumstances (or should I say… finances?) are so bleak. In some respects I know what took place that night was not my friends fault. He only cared about me enough to share his advice and concerns. I think I was already doing everything in my power to avoid the unknown with my finances and well he figuratively slapped me on the face with it quite unexpectedly. That night I took some much needed quiet time with God. It’s the first time I’ve taken any quality time to share my heart and cry out to the Lord.

The next morning I happened to visit my friend James blog and guess what was linked just that morning? Yup, financial advice! Anything I was questioning listed in this resource page he posted. So I guess my researching actually started with that! Crazy how God works huh?

Well I’m going to go enjoy more therapeutic activities. Hope everyone has a very Happy Easter!

Labels: , ,




Sunday, March 16, 2008

Poet Sky is in my living room practicing. Eirik is here with his drums. I must admit its quite loud being out there but sounds really good in my room. :) It's the first time Eirik has set up his drums and played with the boys, usually it's just Foe, Strav and Brian. I sometimes feel like I've stepped back in time since Poet Sky was originally formed back when I was in highschool!

I just got back up the hill from going to see Brandie and her new baby. Alexis Antoinette is sooo beautiful! She was born March 15th @ 12:56am; she weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and was 19 inches long. She's doing well but still in ICU. She and Brandie both had an infection. I was not able to hold her, but she's absolutely beautiful. They are hoping both Brandie and her will get to go home tomorrow sometime. Brandie seems to be a natural mother. I took some shots with my cell since they wouldn't let me take it with my camera. :( I'm looking forward to the photoshoot with little Alexis and her proud parents. Here's one of the only clear shots I got with my cell...



So when they said it would snow this weekend I kinda of chuckled thinking, yeah maybe in Phelan, but yesterday as I sat in my car in the Stater Brothers parking lot in Victorville, sure enough large flakes were coming right on down! Pretty crazy!

I've been taking more and more random pictures in the last week or so... A friend of mine in Utah has started the Project365 and I've always wanted to do something similar. I'm tempted to start. I am worried that I will get sidetracked and stop shortly after starting. I'd really like to challenge myself to take a picture every day but maybe what I could try is a picture of the week? Or maybe best pics of the week? Because I tend to have a hard time picking just one favorite shot when I'm in the artistic mood. Hmmm... I think I like that idea better then every day. What do you guys think? Should I make a "best of" post every week? Or should I challenge myself to post a new picture every day? I have a livejournal account that I don't use much.

If you don't have myspace you haven't seen a couple of my recent pics... Specifically Rashaell's wedding, the rooftop of my work building and other random stuff... Here are a few...

This picture is completely illogical but I still love it - 2/12/08



Fischer Wedding - 3/2/08















Rooftop of the Alliance building - 3/7/08





Beautiful blooming tree in my front yard - 3/8/08









I have started placing my bonsai tree in the windowsill of my bathroom window so it gets morning light. This particular morning as I was getting ready I noticed a neat shadow of my bonsai tree on my bathroom door. I couldn't help but take a couple shots while getting ready. 3/12/08







This was taken in my neighborhood today - 3/16/08


That's about it for now. :) Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Labels: , , , ,




Thursday, February 21, 2008

Boys will be boys… thank God!

So I pull into my driveway this evening and was finishing up a conversation with my mom when I noticed my brothers flashers flipping on and off like someone was playing with his truck alarm remote. I looked back and saw no one coming out of the house. By the time I got out of my car I noticed not only were his truck flashers flashing but his friend Eirik’s truck was doing the same thing. I wasn’t sure what to think but I have grocery bags in hand and come walking up to the front door. I turn the corner and see Brian and Eirik pressed up against the wall chuckling at their cleverness. And I couldn’t help but smile. It was almost cute. Actually, it was absolutely adorable! As I put away my groceries I was thinking about how childlike they looked as I turned that corner. I could almost see their junior selves playing a joke on their little sister waiting for her to come around the corner, giggling standing close to the wall not to be seen. Take away the beer and cigarette Eirik had in his hands and it would have been a classic Norman Rockwell scene. But honestly I think that’s what made it all that much more adorable. It reminded me of the fact that boys will always be boys and it brought a huge smile to my face.

Life has been good. Kept extremely busy with events as well as fulfilling some goals I’ve set for myself. After my busy extended weekend I went back to work. This week has been just as busy as last, if not more so because we’ve experienced more technical issues then usual. I enjoy staying busy. I feel so much more productive when I have a lot of stuff to do then when I have minor tasks.

Anyways, I’ve enjoyed waking up early and spending some time taking pleasure in the start of my day rather then rushing around frantic to be out of the house by 8. I spent one morning watching the sunrise in one of the new patio chairs I bought. I read my bible and wrote in my prayer journal. The next morning I decided I really wanted to go for a morning walk. It was sprinkling but it still felt awesome to get out and walk a mile before work. I take lunch walks but it’s just a half a mile and it’s really just to get out of the office and get some fresh air. Speaking of which, I’m going to go do a bit of a workout before bed.

So I’ll leave you with a couple of the pictures I took of the lunar eclipse yesterday. Click on the image to see the larger view.







Goodnight

Labels: , ,




Saturday, February 02, 2008

Being Creative - I've had a very creative week. I've spent most of my evenings working on graphics and logos for friends and family. I have a job updating (one of my brothers client's) Medeiros & Associates website to match their yellow pages ad. I helped Jason with a header graphic for his churches website and he also asked me to work on the logo for the place his girlfriend works since their current one was pretty outdated. Tonight Poet Sky was at my place practicing and Foe and I talked about me working on the bands "Our Alackaday Ways" album cover, possibly even adding some of my photography. I'm looking forward to it. I love Foe and Strav. They are like my extended family. Total cuties too!

Strav and Foe


Poet Sky - Strav, Foe and Brian


With all this graphic work it's made me motivated to get my own photography site up! I'm going to make it happen. It's felt good to get back into graphics. I forget how fun it is to see things come together from nothing. I'll make sure to link to my photography site when I get it updated.

So my last post about photography actually brought about some amazing stuff! Joel Eckman Maus read my blog! The best part is he said to let him know if I'd be interested in helping out at weddings!!! Um... YES!!! I'm so incredibly excited! I think it would be so amazing to watch him work. What better way to learn then to be an assistant to someone I admire and look up to!

Also along the same lines of creativity, Rachel and I went in together to make Brandie a diaper cake for her baby shower gift. Stephanie had showed me the idea at work and the moment I saw it I thought of doing it for Brandie's baby shower. It was a lot of fun to make and it got a lot of attention at the shower. It's a unique gift. Rachel and I have decided that from now on this will be our thing to bring for any baby shower we go to. Here are a couple pictures of it.

Before all the extras



After all the extras



Jaw troubles - My jaw on the left side is swollen and tender to the touch like it was Christmas Eve. Not sure if I ever explained what happened but Christmas Eve I went to work and my jaw hurt really bad and it was swollen so I thought I might have some kind of ear infection. I go to the doctor's and they tell me that it's not an ear infection and it must be that I'm clenching my jaw causing a form of TMJ, or grinding my teeth. I've never known myself to be a teeth grinder so the only thing I could think of is that I clench my jaw. My doctor said it is caused by stress. I think its a bit silly actually but I may very well be clenching my jaw without realizing it. Why only the one side? Anyways, just an annoying little tidbit I thought I’d share.

Random - I've been on a U2 kick. My brother got me the limited edition U2 iPod a couple Christmas's back. It came with the whole U2 collection. I've been listening to it on random almost every night this week and I'm still not through the whole thing!

This is a video I specifically looked up because of a conversation Joshua and I had at work. I figured I'd share since it's a great song and brings me back.

Labels: , , , ,




Sunday, January 27, 2008

So I've spent the majority of my day on my butt watching tv and its been fabulous! I enjoy days like this. You wouldn't think I had a lot on my mind but I did. I went to a bridal fair this morning with Rachel and Rashaell because I'm taking pictures for Rashaell's wedding in March and we were hoping to get some ideas of what type of shots to take.

I saw a lot of booths with the typical wedding photography... yawn...

Until I recognized this guy, George Sillas. I recognized him but never knew he was a photographer. I went into his booth and was blown away by his work; awed actually. His style is so incredible and unique. I was immediately intimidated about taking pictures for Rashaell, knowing I could never reproduce such amazing photos, at least not with a month or even a year of preparation. Anyways, he explained that he's always loved photography, that it’s been a hobby, but has been doing it professionally for 2 years. He's pricy but I'm seriously thinking I will just have to budget his price for my wedding! Hopefully he doesn't go up too much higher by the time I end up getting married! Or I'll just have to marry someone rich. hehe Anyways, back to the bridal fair... I saw a couple other photographers that were close to the quality of his but everything else seemed so boring after his pictures.

I've never liked the idea of getting into wedding photography. I was never that impressed with the artistry of wedding photos. Well actually I saw one of my very first impressive wedding photographers from my coworker Mike's wedding photos. They used Joel Eckman Maus for their engagement and wedding photos. He sent me a link of his and Rocquel's wedding pictures and I was very impressed by the style! It was unique, and as Mike said "young and fresh".

As I sat watching tv today I was mulling over the concept of feeling intimidated and out of my element with wedding photography. How, if I had the financial freedom, I might not feel so confined. The equipment does make a difference. But honestly it's about applying myself, putting the energy into it. I put so much energy into other things for other people. I thought about how focused Jerry is about his newest business plan. He doesn't sleep much. Works a full time job, plus a commute, is also closing out a business, and starting this new one. How? I know his dedication. I see it. Do I have that kind of focus? Can I learn to say "no" to others while I pursue my dreams? Can I not enjoy a day on my ass watching tv all day? So many people in my life say I'm going too much, doing too many things, I need to slow down. I take days like today to make up for the lack of not stopping during the week. Is that how it should be done? Watching Jerry I see that I need to step up my game a few notches. Or does it go back to my issue with time management? See, I really wasn't zoning out on my couch. I was trying to figure all these things out.

How do I expect to get good at something without practice? I guess one of the issues I have with wedding photography is that it’s a one time deal. You can't just go out another day and get a better shot. Or what if I miss that perfect shot? That moment in time that captured the essence of whom they are as a couple. Man that's a lot of responsibility.

I finally got off the couch and had an email from Rach asking if I'd gone to the photographer’s websites. I hadn't. I was avoiding it actually. It was hard enough to see their stuff in person I wasn't sure if I wanted to look at their websites. But I went. And to my surprise it was less intimidating. I saw the pictures and not all were in perfect focus, or they had some digital enhancement, or shading to hide boring backgrounds. My fears subsided a bit. I realize that Rashaell isn't asking for George Sillas pictures, if I could give her at least a couple awesome shots and learn for the future that's all I could hope for.

It’s amazing how many people don't realize a website is essential nowadays. Going through the booths today I saw some great stuff but they didn't have websites! I didn’t think that was possible. It’s so easy to make and maintain a website I'm just surprised people don't have them! Going to the photography sites (the ones that actually had sites); I judged them by how professional and classy their sites looked as much as the photographs themselves. I can use my knowledge of website design and graphic arts to my advantage.

People have asked me to take family or event pictures and honestly I would much rather do that then weddings. But I think I just need to keep doing it. I'm no where near the knowledge for professional photography but I think I've made the decision to make myself professional… Whatever it takes.

Joshua and I were chatting the other day and we discussed going back to school. He told me he spends his spare time reading programming books. I have thought a lot about how his passion for programming makes it enjoyable even to learn on his off time. Rachel pointed out that the only thing in my life that has held my attention for very long is photography. So I have to ask myself, why haven't I continued to learn? I loved ALL my photography classes! I still have so much to learn. I've always known photography was a very competitive career choice and knowing I am not competitive by nature I never thought to go forward with a degree in it. Now I'm rethinking that. Joshua joked that I needed to just get married... to a rich guy... so I could fulfill my two passions... Photography and Travel.

I told Jerry I want to be his personal assistant so that I can travel the world and take pictures all along the way. When Jerry actually said it was a possibility it made me realize how much I want to be doing something I love. Both Jerry and Joshua are pursuing what makes them the most happy, I'm guessing that's the key to staying focused and enjoying every step of the way.

Labels: , ,




Thursday, January 10, 2008

Life is getting back to normal after the holidays. Though the whole new years reflection is still in full swing! I've always enjoyed a fresh start, whether it is a new week, a new year or a new decade. Something about turning 30 a few months ago filled me with hope/excitement for starting the new book in a series called A Chair’s Life. ;) hehe

I went through a fast (it was an all-church fast) that has impacted my way of thinking in a unique way. I wasn't sure what to expect. I have fasted before but there was something making me more determined in this fast. I was determined to grow up. I know that may sound odd but as a kid I was always encouraged to fast but if it wasn't food just that I denied myself something. I always had excuses not to fast. This time I wasn't going to do that. I don't live under my parent’s roof and I wanted to do it for me and my relationship with God. Since this was an all-church fast we chose to break it on a Sunday and we were all supposed to bring soups. I've always used my mom as a crutch not to make food for events like this. My mom even gave me an out and said she was bringing enough soup for me too. I made another grown up choice, I actually made a soup! This sounds silly typing out but in all actuality I'm dead serious.

The way this fast has impacted my thinking is realizing denying myself things (like foods), such as my daily morning starbucks really isn't that hard. I made excuses, "I'm just too tired and I need the caffeine"... Jason would say, "Sounds like a belief to me." hehe And he'd be right (… again)! It was just a belief. I love starbucks! Their peppermint mocha's are my favorite. But the financial strain of stopping by starbucks every morning was showing up on my budget! I think of all the benefits of cutting out my morning starbucks; it helps me financially as well as being weight conscious. Tomorrow will be 1 week without a starbucks. Go me! :) hehe

This one item has made me take a good hard look at other "beliefs" in my life. I'm sure there are a lot I'm still unaware of but a few have been brought to the forefront of my mind and I'm currently working on them. It's odd because I really do feel like I'm finally "growing up" at 30 years old! LOL!

So I put on a few pounds during the holidays and am glad to say that I have lost them and a few extra! I've been careful and getting back on a routine. I have also been trying to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier. So far, going to bed earlier hasn't happened other then last night when I wasn't feeling so hot. But I've been able to at least get up by 6:30 rather then 7. It's a start. I still want to get up by at least 6 and maybe eventually as early as 5:30. It's always harder during winter to get up when it's still so dark! I don't know how some of my friends do it! Waking up before the buttcrack of dawn, as early as 4am in some cases!

This week has been pretty mellow. I've made it that way. I really want things to stay as quiet as possible. I tend to get too involved in doing too many things and I never have time for myself. I haven't gotten the motivation to do anything for me just yet (like taking down Christmas decorations! or updating my online album, etc), but I figure that will come after I get used to the peace and quiet. But tonight I have to drive down to Irvine for my laser appointment. On my way back I'm going to drop off some stuff at Jerry's. Tomorrow night I'm going out with some of the linkLINE crew (most of them ex-linkLINE employees)… Tim, Annette, Carlos, Nancy, David, Erin and myself. The last time we all got together was right before Christmas 2006! I have a picture; I'll definitely take a picture tomorrow and maybe post them side by side. hehe We're even going to Red Robin again! I'm definitely looking forward to it. I miss those guys.

Well I think that's it for now. No pictures to post. I haven't really been motivated to go through them all. I took some pictures of the snow earlier this week. It was such a beautiful drive to work Monday morning! On Sunday night I was driving home from hanging out with Jerry and got to drive through the pass while it was snowing! It's so rare to see that in Cali. I like to enjoy it while I can.

Labels: , ,




Tuesday, January 01, 2008

I am beginning to think I write best at night. During the day there are so many other distractions that you can’t sit and dwell on your internal thoughts.

So here we are, another new year ahead of me. Life is good. Thanks for those of you who commented on my last post. It was pretty hardcore and could have been a bit uncomfortable to read. I hadn’t intended on my last post going so long without another one to explain the outcome of the feelings I felt that night, but my website was having problems. linkLINE took it down and when it was put back up I wasn’t given enough space to make updates.

I think everyone goes through a nostalgic state of remembrance during the New Year. It’s a time to reflect on past situations and new outlooks. I have struggled with a few negative perspectives but overall I have an optimistic expectation to this coming year and what it has to offer.

I was pretty rough on some of the people (men) in my life in my last post. I was looking to them to remind me of who I am. This was my biggest mistake. Luckily that is remedied now. I watched “the Secret” again. It’s always helpful to get your mind off of the negative and onto something better. I also reviewed “The Work” by Byron Katie. It poses 4 questions that will help you look at things differently every time! I stopped myself from thinking of the negative things and just imagined myself doing the things that make me happy. This included traveling and taking pictures, this is one of my goals I have set for my life, not just this year.

But speaking of goals, I have a lot of goals set for myself this year. Last year I was on the right track but somewhere after summer I lost sight of where I was going. To be a little more honest then I am used to (I think this is becoming more habit then a rarity), Sam’s engagement caused a lot of internal struggles and insecurities to surface. I thought I was dealing with the emotions well but it appears that I was just projecting them off on other situations. Now that I found the core problem (*not* Sam’s engagement, something deeper), I was able to face the incorrect outlook and have been moving forward.

Since I have adjusted my mindset I have been pleasantly surprised by the people, friends and even the men in my life! I think because I’ve stopped focusing on the lack but rather the abundance in my life, I am attracting more of that. “What you think about you bring about.” Better yet! Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” I’d rather be thinking about driving up PCH with the windows down and my music blaring then how a friend didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Which, btw I plan on making that drive this month sometime!

It goes back to the 4 questions… I’ll leave you with them…
  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
  3. How do you react when you think that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

Labels: ,




Saturday, December 22, 2007

What an unexpected day all around! Full of emotional ups and downs. I had a fairly mellow day at work. I had some projects for accounting to do so I was able to focus on those since it was so quiet. My friend James met me for lunch! It was great to see him. It's so odd to have only seen him in person twice but to feel I know him so well! I guess 8 years will do that. I was bummed when my time was up and I had to get back to work. I really appreciated that he came out of his way to meet up with me even if it was only for my hour lunch break. Thanks James!

So I've been struggling with some insecurities in the last few days. Not sure that I want to share them at this time, but I'm too awake to get to sleep even if it is 1am. Mostly it’s about feeling rejection from a number of people in my life, and yes mostly men. I have been fighting some negative thoughts about how I feel the people in my life view me. I'm tired that I don't have someone for me. Yes, I stood in my sisters bathroom tonight thinking to myself, damnit how selfish can I be?! I felt like I was in a full on pity party (ok so I was). Yet, it's true. I have people in my life that enjoy my company, yet aren't really there for me. I am the one pursuing the friendship or I feel interrupted when I try to share or that what's going on in my life is trivial in comparison to what's going on in theirs. It’s something I've suppressed for a while with these certain individuals. I guess today was the straw that broke the camels back.

I want to be valued, appreciated, even to know that I'm someone of interest to others. I know it's their loss. Sadly most of them I can explain away. I make up excuses for their behavior... repeated behavior! But I know I'm worth something. I'm worth making an effort to get to know. I'm interesting and lovable and have a lot to offer. I'm not talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I'm talking just in friendship! Again, it's their loss. I want to say well that's it, I'm done trying, but being the silly people pleaser that I am, I don't see that happening but I do plan on making some changes.

I'm ahead of myself. So after work I head up the 15 through holiday Vegas traffic. I'm a little frazzled as I have been all week driving with a bunch of people that decided never to drive on the roads until Christmas comes around and have forgotten how to drive! Yes, I admit I have a road rage problem! But anyone that commutes knows my pain! Christmas sucks because it brings people out that aren't very used to freeway driving. I thought driving with a bunch of commuters was bad, nope! Non-commuters are the worst! They screw up the flow of traffic! Oh yes, I could go on a mile long tangent about the stupid drivers of the world but that isn't what I feel I need to get off my chest with this post.

I get to my parents place for the Christmas party and walk into hell! That straw... well it opened its mouth the moment I walked through their front door. Sadly I lost it. I was pissed and really just wanted to leave. I went up to my sister’s bathroom and just started crying... all the fear and rejection came flooding to the surface. Not from that one person but the others before. All the horrible insecurities I'd been trying to fight the last few days, maybe even weeks, boiled to the surface and I sat there wishing, hoping, for anyone to show any sign that they cared about me... Cared what was wrong, why I hadn't walked in my normal jovial self. No one came. I didn't give them much time. I was fighting to suppress the tears as quickly as they came. I went downstairs and even tried to let it go. It didn't work! I wanted to scream and tell someone to come rescue me from these emotions. Come tell me that I'm loved and accepted just as I am. Tell me how these stupid little people aren't worth my concern.

People tried. Rashaell made a valiant effort to let me know I was loved. But God knew what I needed. My best friend Rachel came to my rescue. She came over, gave me a hug, let me vent about the silly little things on my heart that I just wanted someone to listen to all the way through without interrupting with their own issues, someone to care enough to be there for me and not themselves. She was the one. Silent, in agreement in all the places I wanted to be backed up on my thoughts and frustrations. My sister prayed with me and suddenly my heart finally felt peace. From the moment I walked into my parents house that night I felt an inner rage, my heart was tense and angry and I did everything in my own power to make it go away but nothing helped but prayer.

I came back in and those that looked concerned I gave hugs to and let them know I was doing much better. People did care. I was just so angry no one knew how to approach me. Sadly no one knew how to approach me to help. I love my church family. They are like my immediate family. I felt loved in return. Dale was the tenderest of them all, he was so concerned and expressed how he doesn’t like to see me so upset. I almost started crying all over again.

Why is it that we can feel so alone sometimes in a room full of people that love you? I love writing. This is not where this post was going when I sat down to write it out, but it’s where it went. Writing is very therapeutic for me. I understand this may be a bit more “real” then people are used to from me but I’ve been on a kick of being uncharacteristically honest with some people.

I found out once that an ex of Sam’s found my blog and called me emotionally unstable after reading it. (This is of course when Sam and I were dating) I was always wondering how she could think so since I write from the heart and most people would agree they have felt something similar to what I’ve shared above. I usually don’t write when I’m sad anymore. I never like to focus on those feelings. But tonight I needed to work through some thoughts. It’s now almost 2am, I really should be in bed.

Oh but the night hasn’t even begun to be explained! After “miracle worker” Rachel helped me I found myself rejuvenated to help others. To care again about how or what they are going through. It’s not that I want it always to be about me, it’s just that sometimes the people I’m there for aren’t meant to be there for me. Eh, I’m still working through all the thoughts. Not too sure where this is all going to go. But the night went on as if nothing happened. All the strain, the pressure of pushing the emotions down, was lifted. I was my usual jovial self.

I stayed the latest and spent some time talking with my friend Brandie but when my mom was heading to bed I realized it was time to head out. Some friends from my wannabe goth days were having a Christmas party and really wanted me to stop by. I had already said yes prior to this insanely emotionally draining evening, so I decided to make an appearance. It does feel at times you walk through a portal of time, but time that allows the people in it to age. Hehe I walked in and felt at home! I haven’t seen some of these guys in years! Joe and Ericka made me feel so welcome. I was even thrown into a gift exchange without having brought any gifts! They bring extras apparently! I took a few pics, caught up on everyone’s happenings and then made my way home at a bit after midnight, which was much longer then I expected. I left actually thankful I made the stop.

And now since I took some time to look through the pics it’s nearing 3am! I must go to sleep even if tomorrow is Saturday! I have a lot to do tomorrow!

Goodnight!

Labels: , , ,




Wednesday, December 19, 2007

It's been (and will be) a full week. The holidays always make for a chaotic schedule. But it's full of fun! Right now I'm struggling to focus because the pain from my cramps is a bit overwhelming. bleh... (One reason I dislike being a woman)

So Monday I had to make a quick detour to Redlands for a Christmas present for Heidi which sadly my mom let the cat out of the bag when I called for advice. So Heidi now knows what she's getting from me for Christmas, oh well. As I was driving there my friend Tracy called. He was heading up to Victorville to pick up a check from a client so we decided to meet up at Starbucks. He and I usually meet down in Ontario so it felt odd meeting him locally. I rarely get to hang out with any of my Rancho friends up in Victorville. Who would want to? ;) hehe

Last night I met up with Jerry at his place. He's been really busy with his project (I'm going to check with him to confirm I can share it) and I have been helping out as much as I can. I was pleasantly surprised I was able to spend any time hangin’ out with him before the holidays! It wasn't a late night. I was heading home by 8:30. At dinner I asked him about the direction I should take my photography. He has a lot of great ideas, almost to a fault; (being the nice friend that I am hehe) I decided to pick his brain, even if he is fully submersed in his current project which seems to be taking off like wildfire! In the last week so much has moved forward, it's exciting to watch it come together for him. He's got a great head for business and money. I know I can learn a lot from him.

As I was driving home he called me with an idea for a direction I can take my photography! What can I say? He's that good. ;) hehe I took some time last night and thought it through. I have to find out if I'm serious enough to do what it takes to get it done. I'm young enough. I don't want to waste any more time. I just don't know if I want to give up my life outside of a full time job to devote to an additional business. I know Jerry has that kind of passion and drive; I'm just not sure if I do. This was my one concern about taking the first step forward. I've talked to a couple people about it and I may just do it.

I guess there is a fear that's causing me to hesitate. I'm unsure if my photography has that special edge. I love taking pictures! But are my pictures that special or unique? And some people suggest wedding photography, or pet photography and stuff along those lines, but just like every profession there are different fields/genres and they are definitely not what I like or even what I'm good at! Either way I'm still contemplating it. I'd appreciate anyone's input. Jerry says that if I haven't taken steps toward this concept by the time he returns after the holidays he'll be extremely disappointed. hehe I guess it's the perfect time for this reflection being that it's the time of year for New Years Resolutions, a fresh start, a whole new year to dream up a new direction for my life.

Candlelight Service - So I just got back from the candlelight service at The Place. It was nice. I love my family tradition of the Christmas story with the candle in the darkness. I will definitely pass that one onto my kids. Sadly we didn’t have a children’s performance because the lack of kids that were going to be able to make it tonight. But it was a nice service none-the-less.

Alliance Dinner - Tomorrow night some of us from Alliance are going out to dinner. Joshua isn’t going and no matter how much of a guilt trip I try to give him he doesn’t seem fazed. hehe But Mike is going so I’ll finally get to meet his wife! I’m looking forward to that. Here's a group shot of our Christmas Potluck at the Office.



Meeting with James - So my good friend James is coming down from northern Cali this week and we're meeting up for lunch Friday. Some of you may remember him, he’s the one I've known for years online and we met in person for the first time earlier this year!

He's a cutie and such a rockstar! Check him out! He's the bald one on the right playing the guitar.



The Place's Christmas Party - Friday night I’ve got to rush up the hill for the Christmas party at my parents place for the church. It should be fun. I haven’t decided if I’m dressing up or going casual. It’s an ornament exchange so I bought the cute little snow globe ornament from Starbucks that way if I end up with it I’ll be happy!

Victorville Motors Christmas Party - I went to Andie's company Christmas Party last Saturday and had an absolute blast! I haven't let loose like that in a LONG time! They had a great atmosphere, awesome DJ and Andie's coworkers are a lot of fun!
Beginning of the evening


Being silly


Getting Crazy



No Comment


They had a young lion and tiger there as well as the monkey from Pirates of the Caribbean, Night at the Museum and Ross’s pet on Friends. I got my picture taken with him and he was such a sweet little thing! I was standing there and he was doing what monkeys do, climb all over. They made me take off my glasses because he’d most likely grab them. When the handler called him back he looked at me, then the handler and then gave me a hug! I swear the entire line “awh’d”! It was precious. Then he looked at me and started talking and singing. The picture I kept was the one where he’s talking to me. It was one of the most memorable moments of the evening.



And I’m changing my rule; I’m going to post a picture or two on my blogs at least. Then I’ll upload them all to my album, hopefully in a reasonable amount of time. I know I never even shared pics of Montana! If you’re on myspace you’re lucky cause then you’ve at least seen those pictures.

Random/Misc. Stuff - My friend Kristen filled one of these out so I’m sharing my results.



Labels: , , , , ,




Thursday, November 15, 2007

For the last day or two I've been in a really happy mood. Yes, I have concerns about the financial strain this trip to Montana is going to be, but all-in-all I'm looking at it as an adventure and a way to see God move on behalf of my finances! At church Sunday my dad talked about how we need to rejoice in difficult circumstances because it means we can see God work on our behalf. That statement struck me and I have thought about it a lot this week. I know it's important that I make this trip to Montana, it's one of those things that you just know you *have* to do, you don't necessarily have a choice. I have to take two days off without pay. I have no more vacation time (Fiji took the bulk of it). And I did get a raise a short time ago but I haven't leveled out yet and it’s been a difficult couple of months financially.

We're estimating my portion of the cost in gas for this trip to be 250.00, by far cheaper then a plane ticket but still a hard amount to swallow. I've looked at my bills, it's doable with pushing off a bill or two but I wouldn't have money when I'm out there or for the time on the road. I decided to practice what my dad preached Sunday. I put it out there and just said, "Lord, you know my financial situation, I'm looking forward to seeing you work on my behalf! I'm going to trust you to help me with the finances for the $250.00."

That night my brother Brian called and asked if I could do a job for one of his clients, updating basic information on their website. When I asked him how much he said, about $250.00... !!!! Holy cow! It works! :D I shouldn't be surprised but I always am! Now if I can just keep this mentality for all areas of my life. Why is it so difficult to know God is there for me ALL the time if I just trust in Him?

My Week - I thought this week was going to be mellow but it turned out to be rather busy! I've been trying to help Jerry as much as I can with a new project he's working on. We've talked a lot and he dropped off a cd then he had to pick it right back up again later. Its stuff he wants added to his website that I've been helping him setup. I'm excited for him! It's cool to see it all come together. I know I said I'd be promoting it here but it's not ready just yet. Also Jason has asked me to work on some graphics for him and I've not been able to work on those. I promised him today that I will sit down with them Saturday. Joshua at work has been encouraging me to put myself back into the graphic industry. He seems to think I have some talent which is always nice to hear. And it seems that someone upstairs is opening the doors to do more with graphics.

I was asked out to dinner Tuesday night. I had a good time. I've known him for a while but we've never gotten together till that night. Looks like we'll get together again too... Wednesday was mid week service. Thursday (today) I am driving down to Irvine after work for my laser appointment and will make a detour to the beach. Friday night I have a birthday party to go to. I'm really looking forward to it. It’s with a bunch of women that I absolutely adore and I've been told we're having a karaoke machine with all Depeche Mode songs! Should be a blast! I plan on taking my camera so you'll be getting to see the fun.

Well I’m out…

Labels: ,




Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Night & Day –

Night - So yesterday was a miserable day. Yesterday I felt like the world and everyone in it was against me. Oh believe me I was that melodramatic! I was extremely insecure. I was angry and frustrated. Almost everything pushed me over the edge. I knew something was wrong first thing in the morning and even prayed that God would protect me from flying off the handle at innocent bystanders. I just had my hair done by my sister and I was still learning how to style it, as well as getting used to the fact that it’s so dark, and it just wasn’t working for me that morning. I was feeling unattractive all around. I got to work and was really sick, literally! To the point that I was weak and had to sit because I was dizzy, lightheaded and sweating! Yeah not sure what was going on. I was cautious all morning and my stomach started to settle down after I ate a bagel. My day at work actually went smoothly. No major issues. It was on my ride home. I was talking to a friend. I’m sure she didn’t mean to, but something she said cut deep, it fed all the insecurities I’d been fighting all day and I lost it, not on the phone with her, but after. The flood of emotions I had been fighting came boiling over. Frustrations with her, a couple guys (one that I’ve known for years, another that I’ve just recently gotten to know) and my own annoying tendencies came crashing in on me. No matter where I tried to run my mind was whirling through all the events, and with my outlook I was only seeing the worst in each situation.

It was when I was talking to another friend that I finally broke down emotionally and started sharing how insecure and pathetic I felt and realized I needed some quiet time with God. The moment I sat down to write in my prayer journal the tears flowed. They kept flowing on and off for the next half an hour. I felt like I was wrapped up in His arms and He was allowing me to express the fears and frustrations while He listened and comforted me. I couldn’t wait to go to bed and start a new day.

Day - Today has been quite the opposite! I woke up and my hair turned out great. I love it! I wore an outfit I wasn’t too sure I’d feel good in but ended up feeling sexy. I was no longer sick to my stomach. I went into training for the account department and came back to find a package on my desk from a merchant I work with on almost a daily basis. As soon as I felt the package I knew she had sent me chocolates! And sure enough she sent me See’s chocolates and a “Thank You” card to show her appreciation of how friendly and helpful I’ve been to her whenever she calls in. She has my direct line memorized. Hehe I felt very special! On my lunch break I took a walk around the complex and it was just a beautiful day so I stopped to eat my lean pocket on the grass under the trees. When I walked back I saw a truck slow up and roll down his window, I get asked for directions a lot when on my walks, but he just nodded and smiled. I smiled back and kept walking. He ended up coming back around and said something and I couldn’t understand and he said “If I followed you home, would you keep me?” haha I was in so much shock that he was hitting on me that I just laughed and said sorry probably not! He was a good looking guy too! He made small talk and then the moment was gone. But it left a huge smile on my face, a spring in my step and a disbelief that it had actually happened. I went up to the conference room and read my book for a few minutes, and then took my audio file and took a 15 min nap. I woke up completely refreshed and the rest of my day has been incredibly smooth!

The one mark against today is that Mike’s father passed away. Yesterday he told me how bad his dad was doing and I felt I should ask if I could pray for him but I didn’t know how he would take it and I didn’t know what to pray since I know none of his family are believers so I held back. I wanted to bring up prayer throughout the day but I never felt comfortable enough. I came into work today determined to ask if I could pray for him and I didn’t see his car and knew immediately that something was wrong. He’s taking the next few days off and I really wish I knew what I could do to help. He and his family were already in my prayers this morning and I will continue to pray for them. I want to call and give my condolences but I know right now he probably has so much going on. I’m just not sure what to do.

Well I have more to write about but not much time to do it. I'm gonna finish this post where it is and either write another one later tonight if I can find the time or just do it tomorrow.

Labels: ,




Friday, October 05, 2007

I'm so zoned I'm not sure if I can focus enough to compose this post. But I'm trying to fight falling asleep. I'm at work and it's dead! It seems that early in the week I feel more productive and busy. I think that's because I'm going back and forth between accounting and support.

I went through and gave away a lot of the clothes that I don't fit into anymore and realized I still had a lot of nice clothes that I never touch. So since then I've been dressing up for work. Even wearing heels! For those of you that know me this is a big deal. hehe

Last night I went to dinner with my friend Jerry. He and I always have a good time. He has a lot of aspirations and dreams, it was very inspiring listening to how his brain works through it all. I wish I was as all encompassing with my thoughts as he is with his. He has some great ideas and right now he's picked one of his ideas and he's going to make a go of it. He feels with his age it's now or never. He's only 45 but I understand where he's coming from. I can't imagine it *not* succeeding! I'll probably be promoting it here. I've worked with him on some aspects, such as web site and bouncing ideas around for the last couple months, but it's still in the early stages. He has to finish up some other business so he's only doing his new project on the weekends. Either way, its amazing how multi-facetted his dreams are. I sent him a text on the way home thanking him for inspiring me to dream!

Well I'll go into more of what we talked about and how thats impacted my own personal dreams later. It's quittin time and I've got to make a run to Bath & Body Works... They are having a big sale this weekend that I can't pass up! :) I know... so girlie huh!? ;)

Labels: ,




Monday, September 03, 2007

I'm house sitting in Rancho Cucamonga for my friends Doug and Sasha. I'm sitting at Doug's computer upstairs unsure if I'm in the mood to actually blog or not. In roughly 12 hours I will have officially been on this earth 30 years (don't get technical on me peoples!). Today is the last day being in my 20's. (insert side tangent) And oddly enough I will be in the same town my parents lived in when I was born! I always thought I was born in Rancho but I found out when I got my passport (needed a birth certificate) that I was technically born in Upland, but my parents lived in Rancho so they always told me that's where we were when I was born. hehe Either way when I wake up tomorrow I'll be in Rancho on my birthday 30 years later! Kinda trippy...(/end side tangent)

As I celebrated my birthday with my family today it hit me where I was a year ago and it was not in a good place. I was pretty depressed about a lot of things. Mostly the loss of my relationship with Sam in August which (at the time) I was uncertain we'd ever talk again. Thankfully we are still friends and talk/chat at least once a week which is more then I would have expected under the circumstances. Jesse had passed away that May and that was the most difficult death I had to face in my life so far. I had lost my job at linkLINE in July and had yet to find a new job and had gone through a lot of interviews only to be told I wasn't picked for this reason or that, and each one felt like a whole new rejection. To be honest, I was pretty self focused and miserable. Jason was there to encourage me to get past my beliefs and the feelings that held me back from growing though it all. He was my counselor and friend and well it always helped that he was so darn cute! ;) hehe Sometimes I wondered if my infatuation made it possible to hear all the harsh things I needed to hear.

Man... so much in so little time. It's amazing to look back! Especially when all the inner reflection and changes, though difficult, really brought me to a better place. God knew what He was doing... Who knew? ;) haha I guess I needed to go through it all to be prepared to hear and realize things about myself that weren't easy to face. Life changing. One year, so much happened in 1 year! Actually it was more like 6 months! I keep changing but from September through March was the biggest portion of my transformation. Things that held me back, even from childhood... Faced... Accepted... And let go!

Yes, turning 30 tomorrow is a new leaf. I want to say a new chapter but honestly I feel like it's a new series in the miniseries of my life. I have nothing but excitement in my heart about my 30's. Heidi pointed out that she hated turning 30 because the people in their 40's still consider you too young to know anything and the people in their 20's think you're old. I'm not sure if I agree. Though I have felt a little bit of a challenge having friends in their 40's. They do seem to bring up my age quite a bit. It doesn't help that I look like I'm in my early 20's. I still giggle like a schoolgirl, especially if I'm flirting or crushing. haha Well I guess we'll see.

My brother Brian is going to take me to lunch tomorrow afternoon for my birthday. :) That'll be cool. We'll be going to see Bright Eyes at the end of this month for my birthday present to him as well as for myself. My parents gave me money for my birthday and I plan on buying a couple pieces for my camera. My dad made me one of his awesome cards, he even put a picture I took from Fiji as the cover. It's such a sweet card. He seriously needs to sell them! My sister did my hair as her birthday present to me! It needed it sooo bad. Here's a picture of it. It's hard to see the length but it's a bit more layered and more blond. I like it.



Rachel, Andie and Heidi are taking me out this Saturday. I've mentioned it before and it's a surprise. I still have no clue what we're doing. I just know that they are going to pick me up around 8 or 9 Saturday morning, I'm supposed to dress cute/casual and shouldn't expect to be home till at least midnight! I'm excited. I enjoy keeping myself in the dark. My mom almost let it slip but I didn't push it. I've played a couple games to get more information only to be more confused then ever! hehe So I'm letting it be and waiting patiently to find out Saturday what we're going to be up to.

Well I think that's it for tonight. Happy birthday to Jimi and Doug who both share my birthday! It's so odd that tomorrow I won't have a commute! I can leave for work at 8:40 and still make it before 9! I have more to update but I think I'll leave this as a birthday post.

Goodnight

Labels: , ,




Sunday, August 19, 2007

For those of you that are possibly curious... I still don't have full feeling in my tongue... It sucks!

Other then that things have been hectic. The finalization of the benefit dinner is in full swing! Every spare moment I have I'm thinking, organizating, discussing the different aspects of the dinner to make sure we're staying on track. This has been a productive week as far as the benefit dinner is concerned so that's good. The trifolds off to the printers and those should be back by mid-next week. We have a guy lined up to play jazz piano during dinner. I've confirmed the professional photographer is still on for taking pictures at the event. A few of us picked out pictures taken from the last Lesotho trip to get printed on canvas to auction off at the event. Our donations were incredible! We have a huge list of items we are raffling off. Right now the focus needs to be on getting the tickets sold, preferrably business tables since we make a little more off of them. Also we're hoping to get some more items donated for the event itself. I have a meeting here in about a half an hour that will help me gauge where we're at with all that. But it's been an amazing whirlwind! We have less then a month!

Anyways, I'm off to my meeting. Just wanted to give a quick update.

Labels: , , ,




Saturday, August 11, 2007

*Ok so this post was ready last night (Friday the 10th) but FTP was wiggin and I couldn't upload all the pics till today (Saturday the 11th)*

So I think I'm finally off of Fiji time. It took a few days to get back on a normal sleep schedule. I came back Monday and couldn't sleep till 2am and slept in till noon Tuesday. Tuesday night I forced myself to climb into bed at 2am but twiddled my thumbs till 4am and got up for work at 7am Wednesday! So Wednesday night I expected to crash early but I ended up talking to Mel up in Washington till almost 11:30! So much for going to bed early, but in the end I think that helped me switch my sleep mode.

I came back from Fiji and hit the ground running. Tuesday I ran errands all over the place. Wednesday I went back to work and had bible study that night. Yesterday I met Jerry at Starbucks after work and we talked till about 10 or so. Jerry was surprised I didn't bring my pictures to share, some day I'll get a laptop and won't have that issue. Tonight I went straight home after work and vegged. Tomorrow I plan on cleaning cause the house desperately needs it. I have agreed to go on that "date" tomorrow evening. I don't really know the guy so I'm feeling a little bit awkward about it.

Benefit Dinner - I came back from Fiji feeling the heat about getting everything ready in time for the benefit dinner. The trifold isn't completed but my friend Leonard will print them at his cost but it'll take 7 business days to get back. I'm trying to keep everyone motivated but there were some issues that arose with certain individuals when I was gone that I am not sure how to address or whether I even need to. Also the church has fewer people to help out with the projects so people have to take on more then they had to for the last dinner. But I just gotta keep it up in prayer and God will take care of the rest. It's hard not to get overwhelmed at times.

Fiji - Fiji was absolutely amazing!!! It was gorgeous and an absolute blast! I remember taking pictures thinking the shots didn't do it justice, but now I look at the pictures and see only beauty! So just imagine even the best shots didn't capture the true beauty of the place! I had a hard time leaving! I had to remind myself that I was living in luxury while I was out there and that if I stayed or lived there it would not be as glorious as my time out there was. Shawn and Brenda made it all possible. They paid for everything! The room, the cab rides, the food! All I had to pay for was the ticket to fly out there and the souvenirs I brought back! I keep asking myself how I'm ever going to show my appreciation to them for helping me experience Fiji! I've been trying to figure out how to explain the trip and show a portion of my 1500 pictures! I can't post all of them obviously and it would be too hard to pick through them. I think I'll pick a favorite or two from each day and throw in a couple showing the highlights or where I stayed etc.

Friday July 27th - My parents picked me up from work at about 6:30pm and we made our way to LAX. I'd been sick for the last few days and that day was no different. My parents and I sat in a row together. The flight was oversold so no luck on getting a row with an empty seat. :( I had intended on reading Harry Potter but was too tired to focus on reading it. I had a hard time sleeping though. But slept on and off and watched a portion of The Shooter.

Saturday July 28th - lost somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. :)

Sunday July 29th - After a 10 hour flight we landed in Nadi (Nandi), Fiji sometime before dawn. I walked down the outside terminal and was blown away at how beautiful the moon was! We were greeted by a group of Fijian's playing their island music. Apparently a lot of flights from LA arrive at the same time. It took a long time to get the luggage. Shawn, Brenda, Amber, Sierrah, Jackson and Gabriel were all there waiting! It was Sunday so all the shops in Nadi were closed. It was quite odd and looked a bit like a ghost town. But we did get some veggies from the small open market and I had the best cream buns ever at a store called the Bread Kitchen which was also open! I learned that "bula" (Boo lah) was how you say hello and "vinaka" (vee nah kah) was thank you. According to Google though the pronunciations I was taught are incorrect... hehe oh well. After the few stops we made our way out to the Yatule (yah too lei) Resort at Natadola (not ten doh lah) Beach. I was lucky enough to get my own Bure (boo-ray). I met High Chief Ratu Osea Gavidi who was the connection that got us the beautiful bure's at the Yatule Resort. He was a totally sweet, down-to-earth man. As soon as I got in my room I changed into a bathing suit and got into the ocean. It was beautiful! Natadola Beach is ranked one of the top 10 beaches in the world! I could see why! Remember my pictures didn't capture its true beauty.

















Monday July 30th - I woke up early to try to take pictures of the moon setting on the ocean. I spent the day enjoying the beautiful beach, I did some snorkeling. I spent most of the daylight in the water, took pictures of the sunset and hung out with the fam in the evening.















Tuesday July 31st - I took another try to get pictures of the moon setting, spent the day in the ocean and took more pictures. It was a bit cloudy but still beautiful. We left Natadola Beach and made our way to the WorldMark Resort which is apart of Denarau Island Resorts. Denarau Island Resorts was home to a lot of luxury resorts and WorldMark was on the far left. Port Denarau Layout/Masterplan That evening I was shocked I didn't go exploring. I just stayed in the room and tried to relax.



















Wednesday August 1st - Brian arrived in the morning around the same time our flight came in. It was raining so we (the girls = my mom, Brenda, Amber, Sierrah and myself) decided this would be a good day to do our shopping in Nadi. It was great to experience the town. I spent lots of money. My favorite store was Jack's. We went out to eat at Nando's for lunch. Good grub! That evening we spent time as a family. This was the night that my brother Shawn decided to tickle-wrestle me to the ground! He was in a mood for sure! He kept pestering everyone! It was quite funny and Brenda got a video of it and I felt like I was a kid again, wrestling with my big brother. hehe















Thursday August 2nd - I spent some time swimming in the pool, walked up the beach. The Denarau Island Resort complex had what they called the Bula Bus that stopped at every resort and made a full circle of the complex. It was about a 20 – 30 minute ride total, or you could catch it just right from the Sheraton Resort next to The Republic of Cappuccino and it would hit only two resorts before WorldMark, catch it wrong and you went in the complete opposite direction and it would have been faster to just walk. Amber and Sierrah went with me to The Republic of Cappuccino and we met up with my dad and two brothers. They offered free wifi internet so this was the first time I actually touched a computer since the Friday I worked before flying out! And I wrote a bulletin on myspace and a quick email and I was done. I had no desire to be on more then that! Shawn and Brian did their email communication for their work, and my dad was writing more of his book. That evening we decided to go out to dinner at the SeaFront Restaurant which was at our resort and on the beach. Later we just played cards.





















Friday August 3rd - Considering I took 1500 pictures during the trip clarifying that I took pictures each day is kind of counterproductive, so yeah I took pictures ALL the time! But I had gotten a little too much color on my upper thighs the day before so I avoided sunbathing but took the opportunity to get some shots of the family enjoying the pool. I also took some pictures around the resort and was able to meet Isei the security guard who had been on duty each day since I had gotten there. He and I hit it off and we decided to meet up and walk down the beach later in the day. I found out during our walk that he wasn’t really allowed to go off with guests so he said if anyone asked he was escorting me to some photography spots. We laughed and had a good time. He said he was going back to Suva to spend time with his family for the weekend but wanted to meet up Sunday night if at all possible. (I never got a chance though). After I got back to the resort we watched Amber's performance as the cowardly lion in her last school play. She’s awesome and definitely needs to stay in drama!





















Saturday August 4th - It was Brian's birthday this day. I went down to a timeshare meeting with Shawn, Brenda and my parents. I got free breakfast with Repeka, who was trying to sell me on the timeshare concept (She and I had a lot in common, being the same age and loving to travel, both being interested in older men, her being Methodist and having family members in church leadership). At first I was thinking it was insane but by the end of the presentation I ended up signing up for a WorldMark timeshare! I got a gift certificate for Jack’s so the girls decided to all go shopping again but we discovered there was a Jack’s closer to home and didn’t have to take a cab drive into town but instead just take the Bula Bus to Port Denarau. As we were on our way we met Brian and Shawn who were going out to lunch for Brian's birthday so we decided to join them. We went back for the boys because we discovered a pizza place Mama's Pizza at Port Denarau too! And we had wanted to get pizza for Brian's birthday dinner so it worked out perfect. And as an added bonus they had Fijian Fire Performers in the center of the shopping area. All-in-all it was a great day!

























Sunday August 5th - Brian had wanted to go kayaking for his birthday but since our timeshare meetings took so long they rescheduled to kayak this day. I had thought it was just going to be Brian and Shawn but Shawn came back up and told me to get dressed because they were 2 man kayaks and they wanted me and Brenda to join them. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I’m afraid of the ocean. I was shocked I got in further then I could touch the bottom out at the Natadola beach but some of the best experiences are when you are spontaneous and don’t think too much about it! I had a good time. I was a little uneasy on the kayak but still enjoyed myself. My brother Brian was the mellow one, Shawn kept trying to get his kayak to ram ours! Stinkin older brothers! Then I was told they were going on a 4 person catamaran and wanted me to go. I loved it! We only had an hour so my turn with Brian was only a short 10 minutes but we rented it again for later in the day and so I went and enjoyed the pool while we waited. It was windier then it had been all week so you could say it caused for a more interesting experience sailing. When it came my turn again Shawn took me out and we were pretty far and then he told me to take over the sail and rudder! We switched spots and he directed my steps. It was cool! I was nervous but could feel the control I had over the catamaran! It was an awesome experience! The closer we got to shore the water just got sooo choppy and I got a little panicked and made my brother take over. After we all showered from our salty experience on the catamaran we made our way back out to Port Denarau, because my dad had discovered the “best pot pies he’d ever had” at the Bread Kitchen next door to Mama’s Pizza. When we got back to the resort we watched a family movie and I went to bed knowing it was my last night there and became a bit melancholy.











Monday August 6th - My last day. Amber, Sierrah and I went to the Republic of Cappuccino to check the girls email and I popped onto myspace to let everyone know I was heading home. We caught the bula bus but it happened to be going the long way around and well we weren’t in a rush so we decided to enjoy the ride since this would be my last opportunity. When we got back to the resort we convinced everyone to come together for a family picture, once we were done with that I walked the beach one last time and was very heartbroken about leaving this place that I experienced so much out of my comfort zone and was all so positive! We said our farewells and on the cab drive to the airport my eyes started tearing up. It was definitely an experience of a lifetime! My Fiji experience with (most of) my family will always hold a special place in my heart.









Once at the airport we found out our flight was delayed and then completely moved! We had three flights combined on one huge plane. (My dad would be able to tell you what plane it was and how many times he’s successfully flown one on his flight sim game hehe.) Either way it made for yet another full plane and this time I was in the window seat and it was an uncomfortable flight home. We landed in LAX on Monday at 1pm. That was quite the oddity since we didn’t leave Fiji till Monday night at 11:50pm! It took us forever to get through customs and Mike was there to pick us up. We had to drop my parents off first which really sucked but I got home to my place at about 8pm. Yeah LONG day.

So there you have it! A (not so summarized) summary of my trip to Fiji!

Labels: , , , , , ,




Sunday, July 15, 2007

Lalalalala! Yes this is the kind of mood I am in! It's been an interesting week, emotional to some extent. I was in a funk for some reason. I know part of it was holding onto something I needed to let go and I did that Thursday night and Friday I was doing great! Should I actually be surprised? Probably not, but I still am. hehe

So none of my local (Ontario, Ca) friends were available to hang out Friday night to keep me company so I could avoid "Vegas Traffic" so I went to Lane Bryant to buy some crops and shorts and light t-shirts for Fiji. I bought a lot of clothes but I desperately needed them. I also bought a bathing suit for a trip to Indio I was gonna go to with a bunch of girls the same weekend I'm now leaving for Fiji. So I've already got that taken care of. :)

Fiji - Now that I know for a fact Fiji is happening I'm getting more and more excited each passing day! I've been checking weather reports, finding out about the electrical outlets and what I can use out there with my electronic stuff and of course blow-dryer and stuff, though with the humidity blow-drying my hair might not happen unless it’s a nice dinner out in the evening or something. I hear my brother is setting up for us to stay at a resort! I seriously can't wait to get out there! I need a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. And like I've been saying, I can't wait to take pictures!

Harry Potter - So I got to see Harry Potter! Not only did I get to see it, I was able to see it a few hours before the people crazy enough to go to the midnight showing! My friend Russ works for EA Games and his work apparently rented out a theater for a private viewing for their employees and their friends. I was at work on Tuesday when he messaged me and asked if I wanted to go. Sure I had to drive to Marina Del Rey but I was all for it! But I didn't head out till 5pm and the movie started at 6:30 and I knew there was traffic. I only missed the first 20 min of the movie but as soon as I sat down I knew exactly where they were in the book. I liked the movie, though I felt like I had seen it before. I think it was because Sam sent me a link of some screenshots from the movie.

I ended up getting the audio book for book 6 Friday night and hopefully I'll be up-to-date for the final book to come out next weekend.

Oceanside/Vista Ca. - Next weekend Rachel and I are going down to Vista Ca. to stay with my friend Holly, Rachel's sister-in-law for the weekend. We're going just because we never get to hang out with Holly and I guess we're also going to the horse races. I've never been so it should be an interesting experience and a fun time with Rach and Holly and of course I'll be taking pictures.

Benefit Dinner - So the planning for the African Benefit Dinner is fully underway! I've been trying to stay on top of everything and I feel like I'm losing ground. I've lost focus on the deadlines and timelines. I was supposed to have the tickets printed and ready for distribution today and haven't completed them yet. I have the paper to print the tickets on and have a numbering system to keep track of the ticket sales. Being in charge means that yes, I delegate but I feel unorganized as far as keeping everyone on track with their assigned tasks. But I'm sure in the end it will all come together like our last event did. The only difference this time is I'm in charge of this one and I really do want it to go smoothly.

The benefit dinner is on September 15th, only two months away! We booked the same venue as the last event but this time the chef has actually worked with us to design a menu with an African theme! We will have some fairly standard food, but we wanted to make something special and he's all for working with us at no additional cost!!! I'm really excited! He's even testing the recipes before the event itself. We've defined that it's going to be a black and white semi-formal affair. Now I'm not requiring the guests to wear black and white but those who are involved will all be in black and white. I'm even hoping to get the men into donated tuxes like the last event. My next task is to make sure the people in charge of getting donations for the raffles have their lists of businesses that donated last time and understand their deadlines.

We're still looking for a band to perform during the dinner. I need to see if I can get some of my prints from the last trip printed either on regular photo paper or canvas and we'll be raffling them off. I'm not sure how to locate someone that does prints on canvas but I think that would look nice. We had an artist down the hill that specialized in African art that allowed us to display his paintings and I'm hoping to get his pieces to display again. Sam and I were responsible for the photo part last time. We set up a display and I took pictures and he printed them on the spot for me and we handed them out to the guests. We're hoping to do the same thing and I have a professional that has said if we pay for materials she would donate her time. I think that would be awesome but I just have to book her and make sure the church can afford to pay what she's asking. There's so much more, it's a large undertaking and I'm doing my best to keep on top of everything.

Men - I think I've come to the conclusion that I want a guy to ask me out on a date. Yes, a real date. Not just a hang out, but "hey, can I take you on a date?" What's with men? hehe When I went down to see Harry Potter with Russ we talked a while afterwards. We talked about all sorts of things but we touched on why men don't do much of the pursuing these days. Now I didn't say they don't "hunt" as their animalistic personality’s posses them to. But I realize that "hang outs" are just dates with another label. Think about it! Men have less pressure to ask a girl to "hang out" then "go on a date". The thing is I'm the kind of girl that would like to be asked out on a "date"! I'm fine with the concept of being friends and hanging out and having those hang outs possibly turn into a more romantic thing. And to be honest I have very rarely been asked out on a "date"! Most of the guys I have dated have started out as friends and turned into more, and believe me I'm all for that! But I also know that I have met a few guys and noticed (probably more then ever) a mutual attraction between us but none of them have yet to ask me out. Why is that men? Help me out here! :)

Well I know I said I’d post pictures of the 4th of July, but those will be posted another time. I have to get ready for a leadership meeting where I have to give a status report on where we’re at with the benefit dinner.

Labels: , , , ,




Friday, July 06, 2007

Rough days - Yesterday was a rough day.

Someone read my blog and somehow felt the need to misrepresent what was written. Not sure if the person who read my blog did it or the person they told, who then used it against me. Either way, I felt attacked and kind of taken back that either party felt it was their responsibility to hand out accusations about me without actually *reading* my blog correctly! I thought about clarifying what was actually written but then wondered what the use would be, they obviously read what they wanted to read and therefore would only hear what they wanted to hear. I kept going back to what my friend Jason reminds me "what you think of me is none of my business". That's a tough one for someone who is a "people pleaser" through and through. But this is something I've had to learn.

It's more like it's been a "rough week" then just a rough day yesterday. Yeah I did have a week off from work. But there were other dramas going on in my life. But I think yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back. I lost it on my drive home. I was hurt and angry. I felt very alone and kept thinking how can I be so down? Why do I feel so rejected and abandoned?

An incident between two close friends happened last weekend that impacted me probably more then it should. It was the attitude of one of them in particular as he took something further then he should have and wouldn't back off even when I asked him to. I was pretty down about the whole thing. I have been hurt by him before. It's sadly a cycle we've been through twice and this last time I had been, what I thought, extra cautious not to get too involved. Unfortunately even though I was careful I still felt a sting.

Great Friends - God reminded me (as I drove home last night with anger and disappointment at the people that I felt I could trust) that though some of my friends may have let me down, there were other sweet people that have been there for me this last week. It's odd, the people I didn't expect to let me down did and the ones I didn't think were really friends came through for me when I really needed them. Half of them not even knowing how much their actions meant to me.

On the 4th of July my friend Armando from Vegas texted me. I was debating on whether or not I wanted to go out in the heat and go to a BBQ. I found out he was home so I got online and we had a nice chat. We haven't had that many opportunities to chat. He was the one I was gonna go with to the Roger Waters show in Vegas. It was nice to chat with him. He's the only person I've really done video chats with well other then Sam but Sam and I don't talk very much anymore accept the occasional catch up chat while at work. Either way, Armando is a cutie and is always so flattering.

Jerry called me last night as I was almost home from my rough day. I wasn't sure if I should talk to him in the frame of mind I was in. But it proved to be a good thing. It's always nice to talk to someone and get your mind off your troubles. He's a sweet guy, very uplifting and encouraging and always has been since I've gotten to know him over the last few weeks. He seems like my own personal cheerleader. :) "If Charity can't do it, no one can!" hehe

Shortly after I settled in for the evening my friend Peter called and had me laughing so hard I was crying! Peter is from Washington and I know him through work. He's flying down to visit his friend in Santa Monica and we're all gonna meet up and go to Disneyland or something. He's a great guy, very considerate and sometimes trips me out because his many voices and tangents sound very much like Jesse and I'm usually rolling the whole time begging him to stop so I can catch my breath! But I thanked him and told him that he had no idea how much I needed his call and he said God works in mysterious ways. hehe How very true.

As I talked to him, I realized how blessed I was to have such great friends. And that I didn't need to feel alone. Today has been quite the opposite of yesterday or even the whole week! I have a lot of events coming up.

Fiji - And remember how I mentioned there *might* be a possibility of me going to Fiji... Well it's official. I will be going to Fiji! I can't wait! The pictures! Think of all the beautiful pictures I'll be able to take! Yeah this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Again the financial burden is going to be tough to swallow... I may be gagging for quite a while afterwards, but honestly I've decided to accept that! I mean I could have possibly waited till I could afford to go to Fiji but it's highly doubtful I'd have the whole family there to enjoy it with. My sister is not able to make it. We're all hoping for a miracle because it would be a bummer that she would miss out. I'll be leaving in the evening of Friday July 27th and coming home early morning August 7th.

Wisdom Teeth - I'm sure some of you are curious as to my experience. I had written a post Saturday because I was feeling so well but never completed it and then took a turn for the worse Sunday. So here's the bulk of my experience and I'll add a little more to the bottom.

*the below was written Saturday June 30th*

Well I survived! Hehe (Like it’s a rare occurrence huh?) My wisdom teeth are out. My jaw hurts. I’ve got chipmunk cheeks and it’s hard to talk for any length of time. But honestly I’m feeling great today! So here’s the lowdown of my experience with getting my wisdom teeth pulled.

I got there at 8 am and wasn’t brought back into the room till about 8:30. The doctor’s assistant put something over my nose and just told me to tell him when I started to feel weird. Turns out it was laughing gas. I told him when I started to feel it but also that I didn’t like the feeling. He turned it down and told me to breath out of my mouth. He hooked me up to an IV and asked a few normal questions. I could hear my monitor beeping.

My doctor came in and I liked him immediately. He was funny. Most people make comments about my name, but he said he liked it, and I told him I liked it to, and he was like, ok… I’ll let you keep it then. He also got on my good side when he didn’t believe that I weighed what I weigh. Haha And then he asked the typical health questions. Asked if I’ve ever smoked pot, I told him no. He didn’t seem to believe me, he asked in another way, so when was the last time you smoked pot. When I told him I haven’t ever he decided a horror story would get what he thought to be the truth out of me! Something about how the hallucinogens in the stuff they were giving me would be affected by how much pot I’ve had. When I told him the only time I’ve ever been exposed to pot was being hot boxed in the nosebleed seats at a concert I think he finally believed me. He was a great doctor.

I don’t remember having to count to three. I just remember him walking away and hearing them setup around me, but nothing more until mid-surgery. I woke up slightly and felt him working on my lower right jaw. I moaned a couple of times and then I heard him say, up her 5 more cc’s and that’s the last thing I remember till they told me it was time to wake up.

I walked to another room and my mom came in. They told me then I couldn’t go back to sleep till the evening, which really sucked because that’s all I wanted to do. My mom pulled the car around back and I got in. I hated the feeling of driving. I’ve never been one to get motion sickness but I did… All the turns and bumps made me want to puke. I actually had to have my mom pull over once so I could. We got to her place and I knew I needed drugs asap so I had a couple bites of yogurt so I could take the meds, but that didn’t stay down so I just took the meds on an empty stomach. The nausea went away after that and I stuck to the rules of icepacks 5 min on one side and then 5 min on the other.

Today I STILL have chipmunk cheeks! Who knows what would have happened if I didn’t use ice! I hated the taste of blood. And my tongue was numb and still is! I asked if this was a normal side effect because I didn’t read anything in the post-op side effects but they said I could feel numbness in my tongue for up to a month! That sucks!

*end of post written Saturday June 30th*

Turns out they disrupted (the word they used) a nerve on the bottom right side and it affected the feeling in my tongue. So now they say that the numbness can last from 2 weeks to 6 months depending on how "disrupted" the nerve was in the process of extracting the tooth. So it sucks... I can't stand not being able to feel the whole right side of my tongue. I've bitten it so many times its all red. I'm just hoping the healing will be closer to 2 weeks then the 6 months! (haha ya think!?) But I had my post op appointment and they said everything is healing fine. I can't stand the bad breath but of course they say that’s to be expected as I have a wound in my mouth... (Yeah 4 to be exact, still doesn't make stinky breath ok) I've been chewing gum but like I said, I've bitten into my tongue so much I chew gum as carefully as possible these days.

Well I'm off to go hang out with my friends David and Erin. I'll post a blog about the 4th of July and show some of the cool shots I captured with the slow shutter and the sparklers. :D

Labels: , , , ,




Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Meet Kyle and Michael... Two men that made all the troubles of my day melt away!



Ok so today's been a bit draining. I had to take care of some personal matters so I called into work to let them know I wasn't coming in. I was running all day till about 3pm and then only had a couple hours before I had to drive down to Irvine for my laser appointment. I drove down and noticed my cell was already low on battery because I'd been on it more then usual.

Let me start a little further back. I was talking to my friend Jerry about the stresses of my day and he knew I was on my way to Irvine and he said I should stop by the beach to reward myself. At least I'm pretty sure that’s what he said. If he didn't, it didn't matter because that's what I heard and the idea stuck with me. I knew I'd be done with my appointment at 7pm, sunset was around 8pm and I knew Irvine was close to the beach so I made the decision to stop by the beach before heading home. As I made this decision I realized I would be needing help to get there as I had no clue what freeways to take (I'm horrible with stuff like that), but since my cell battery was dying and well I was going to be making the trip up to Vegas I thought a car charger would be a wise investment.

Once I got to my laser appointment I asked if they knew where the nearest Best Buy was. The girl was cool enough to do a search and print up directions on how to get there. I was getting my laser treatment done when I asked the girl how far the beach was from where we were and she recommended that I take the 133 all the way because it dumps me right at Laguna Beach. I was familiar with the 133 because this is how I get down to Irvine to begin with. And this makes the return trip all that much easier to find. Anyways, as I suspected I was out of my appointment at 7 and made my way to Best Buy and got myself a car charger. That put me behind schedule a little but the sun was still up but not for long.

On the way I kept thinking to myself oh please make it before the sun sets, oh please. But then it hit me, the adventure was me even making the drive. I chose to then enjoy the trip itself because it was the experience of it all that makes it special!

I made it to the beach and was glad to find out that this is the same location we went for my birthday last year and I was fairly comfortable with where I was at. Everything went great! I parked and found that the parking meters stopped metering at 7pm. So no extra expenses to make this trip. I found a great spot and got out of my car quite honestly surprised at how easy of a trip this had been and how I couldn't believe I haven't been making this extra side trip EVERY time I've come down to Irvine, which happens to be every 4-6 weeks!

And when I got there I was blown away by the beauty of it. The rocks, the view, it was breathtaking! And there are so many great photo opportunities! And yes, I could have slapped myself for not bringing my camera. I was stuck taking a couple snapshots with my cell.

Here they are…









Then I met Kyle and Michael. Both were just jammin’ with their guitars and welcomed me to join them. They played a few songs, but Kyle sang and played “No Woman, No Cry”, and Michael picked a song he said was just for me “Am I Dreaming”. It was such a cute little song and he really did sing it *to* me… I was smiling ear-to-ear being serenaded to for the first time! I stayed as long as I could but it was only about 20 minutes with my new friends. I climbed back up to my car and as I put on my sandals I looked back to see Michael looking up at me and I waved goodbye thinking to myself, stuff like that doesn’t happen every day!

It wasn’t till I got in my car and I started thinking about the whole day and how this moment, this special 30 minute window, felt like it was God’s way of saying “I love you Charity”! I was overwhelmed with gratefulness. I started getting choked up because today really had been a difficult day for some reason and it was an awesome way to end it! First with me doing something completely spontaneous and independent, then meeting those guys and enjoying my short time at the beach! It was awesome! I do plan on going back to the beach every time I make that trip to Irvine but this visit was special.

Just thought I'd share my special moment. :)

Labels: , ,




Thursday, May 31, 2007




So am I excited? I guess so! :D

Labels: ,




Friday, April 13, 2007

*this post has been written over a few days*

So my friend Jason and I stayed up talking till way late Monday night. But the conversation was awesome! We were having a lot of fun discussing all sorts of things and before we knew it we had been on the phone a few hours and it was really, really late… or early however you want to look at it! Like I said in my last post, I was surprised I did so well on 3 ½ hours of sleep! And honestly the conversation was needed and I wouldn't have changed that.

Mission: Accomplished! Where do I begin!? I mean there were so many goals and plans and events over the last month or so! All took place, and I'm left feeling like if this is an idea of how this year is going to turn out… I have a lot to look forward to! I am going to attempt to share some of the things I've been up to this past month. Life has been amazing. The internal change has made a big impact in my life and how I relate and look at things.

March 10th : Hanging out with Russ – I went down to Burbank to hang out with my long time friend Russ. We've been friends for a few years but since he lives so far away we've tried to make a day of our hangouts and getting a full day together has been hard. We had an absolute blast! I would say probably one of the best times I've had hanging out with him thus far. I met up with him at his place and he took me out and about around Burbank, Hollywood, Marina Del Rey and to his work. Here are a few pics from the day





























March 13th : Hair cut – My sister has been going to cosmetology school and she felt I would look great with side bangs. So I gave her the chance after some reluctance to cut my hair the way she wanted to and… I love it!





March 15th : Final breakdown on freeway – I wrote about this in my March 19th post so I won’t repeat myself. But while I waited I snapped a couple shots of the traffic playing with exposure settings. Here are a couple of the good shots.





March 16th to 18th : Vegas - I was supposed to go to Vegas and go see Evanescence with my friend Armando but because I was having so many issues with my car I opted not to go. I was going to see if I could barrow my mom's car but she wasn't too willing to let me considering I'd be driving up to Vegas for the weekend by myself. My mom seems to have built up a new fear of me being independent even at the age of 29! But I had to cancel on Armando and my friend Debbie. At least until I could get a new car.

March 16th : 24 Elsinore @ Drapers – Because I didn’t end up going to Vegas I decided to go to my friend Eirik’s show. It was cool hanging out with them. It’s been a while. The last time I went out with them it was for Jason’s show and he threw up on stage and called my name out in one of the songs. Good times. Hehe Here are a few of the pics



























March 20th : Meeting James in person – My friend James and I met online back in we’re guessing 1999 or 2000. We have been friends since then and every time we’ve tried to meet up something comes up or we can’t get over to the other person. So James had a class down in LA, so I chose to take off work a little early and meet him down there. We went down to the Santa Monica Pier. It was a trip being friends with someone for so long and just meeting in person after all these years! We had a great time. It was only odd in the fact that we had yet to meet in person. Here are a couple shots









March 24th : Bought a new car! – Yup! Decided the last time I broke down on the side of the freeway that it just wasn’t worth it anymore. With how much I commute I just needed to have a reliable car. I decided against the 2006 because the cost was just too far out of my range. I did my research and found a 2005 Honda Civic LX with 32,000 miles and bought it for $13,800. I went down to Kaiser Brother’s Honda in L.A. Spent a good portion of a day working out the details and drove away with my new car! This dealership is awesome! They treated me great! Though it took a while to get everything done they made up for it in other ways. A few days after I bought the car I got a $20 Starbucks card in the mail from them! My dad was really impressed with them too. Check it out! Here’s my new car!







March 25th : Bonsai Exhibit – I went back to the Huntington Library for a Bonsai Exhibit they were having. I unfortunately only stayed a few hours but I got some great shots!

























March 29th to April 1st : Shawn and Brenda – Shawn and Brenda were out in Fiji for business with Assemble Communications. They were flying back to the states and had an overnight layover in California. So we got to see each of them for a day on seperate days. :)







Ok so if you can believe it I have a few more events to post pictures about but I think the month of March is a good enough start. :) And if you did get through all of these I hope enjoyed them. I'm posting this before I start writing too much more.

Labels: , ,




Wednesday, March 28, 2007

There are times in a person’s life when they’ve moved into a new chapter and it’s such a subtle process it’s only noticed after a time of reflection. Well I am not sure if I’m more cognizant of my life or if the chapters are just more palpable but I have seen two recent chapter changes in my life over the last several months. One happened in September of last year. September I felt like my life was being turned upside down and everything I cherished was being taken away from me. In a way it was, but I was cherishing them for the wrong reasons. But that is not what this post is about. This post is about the most recent chapter change… the month of March.

The month of March has been full of change… I could actually observe the change as its happening. In the end, the entire month has been the new chapter coming to fruition. There is only a few days left but I am so far from the person I was at the beginning of the month! It’s amazing that you can change so rapidly. A lot of the change has taken place in the outward but I don’t believe it would have changed if the inward hadn’t been already changed.

I was chatting with my friend Tim the other day and I was struck by something. Let me give you a bit of background. I was in a relationship of sorts with someone and things went south in August. Strangely enough someone new stepped into that role. Not intentionally or by his choice, I placed him there. It wasn’t till this month, (March) that I finally let go and accepted the concept that I’m single. This is a hard thing to confess, just because I don’t know why I never realized it sooner. I actually haven’t had a boyfriend for quite a long time! Long before August of last year! But something in my mentality, my mindset, kept feeling connected and attached to one person or the other.

I think the exciting part about this change is that I have accepted the fact that I’m single. I have embraced it and feel extremely grateful to be so! There has been a massive sense of independence. And in the outward you can say that I have experienced a lot of adventures this month! I don’t believe I would have truly *experienced* them if I hadn’t changed internally.

Early this month there was a call to change at church. We were asked to come up and ask for prayer for something we felt was holding us back from our fullest potential. I immediately knew what was holding me back… an unhealthy need for approval. I went up for prayer; I prayed that God would take this from me and give me the confidence to be who He made me to be. I cried, I was prayed for and I felt different. It’s one of those moments when you feel something inside, you feel different and it’s not fake but it’s a *real* change.

That was the internal change… That unhealthy need for approval also seemed connected to my need to latch onto a guy. That issue being resolved also helped me let go of the need for the companionship of my certain male friends.

Now for the external changes… Where do I begin?! There are a lot and I have pictures to go along with each and this is long enough as it is. I think I’m going to post more at another time.

Labels: ,




Thursday, March 08, 2007

The last couple of days I have felt that I’m living or watching a scene from a movie. Not that it’s a fantasy but just the way it’s filmed. As I drove out of the Starbucks parking lot with my morning coffee in hand I passed a car with two women laughing: Full, hearty laughs. It’s like my mind snapped a picture of that moment. One bent over in laughter and the other head raised mouth wide open with laughter… Genuine laughter. It brought a smile to my face and almost became contagious because I started giggling. Even as I work that moment is still captured in my thoughts… A three dimensional photograph that I can see from all angles. It reminds me of the Matrix where Trinity is getting ready to kick that police officer and they pan around from every angle. My imagination is doing the same thing.

I have enjoyed taking walks with my iPod because it has felt like I’m walking through a scene in a movie and it’s the soundtrack to my life. I hadn’t noticed it until my memory went back to a moment where I was listening to my iPod walking down Colorado Blvd. in Pasadena and there was a moment, a glance between me and a complete stranger, I remember feeling my eyes brighten in that moment where his eyes met mine. It was a simple moment but the music that I was listening to was perfect for the moment. I couldn’t remember what it was exactly but it was lighthearted and uplifting. I kept walking with a huge smile on my face.

Lately I’ve spent a lot of time thinking what I want in life. And a moment keeps coming to the forefront of my mind. Me driving in my 2006 Atomic Blue Honda Civic with the windows down and the music blaring and my camera equipment on my passenger seat. Thinking about that moment puts a huge smile on my face. This shows me a lot about where I’m at in my mindset, and it’s a good place.

Labels:




Sunday, March 04, 2007

It’s amazing how a simple statement can affect how you view yourself. I have always had this unhealthy need for approval. I realized last night that it doesn’t matter whether it’s from someone that I care deeply about or not. I could see this issue mostly with people I place high value on. Well last night a fairly new friend said something that made me feel inferior. I say “made me” but in all reality it was a choice to feel that way. It was a hard feeling to fight. I was hurt and took it more personal then I should have. I blame it on the fact that it was late and I was exhausted from my day’s adventures. But again it goes back to my unhealthy need for approval.

Today, church was amazing… Every worship song brought me back to an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and not to worry or feel that my value rests in someone else’s opinion of who I am. The service just reiterated this concept of letting go of this bondage, mine is the bondage of needing others approval to feel accepted. That there are those times Satan puts up this fake wall, this lie, that I believe is so real that I allow it to keep me from moving forward. Well I’m not going to believe that lie and I am not going to depend on seeing through my natural eyes anymore. I am going to give my need for acceptance over to Christ Jesus who made me exactly who I needed to be and I’m not going to allow other’s shortcomings to determine how I view myself!

There is a fear that I will not succeed but I am not going to let myself get caught up in that. I am free to make this a permanent change and I am choosing to do so now!

Well I was going to leave you some of my favorite pictures of my trip to the Huntington Library but looks like I have run out of time! Hopefully tonight

Labels:




Saturday, February 17, 2007

Wanna see something trippy!?!?!

A Chair’s Life – Version 1.0 (1998 – 1999)

I actually had a version prior to 1.0 but it would be considered Version 0.25 or something because it was just me playing with HTML. I tried to get it together to upload but I’m missing too much of links and stuff. It’s so close to Version 1.0 I think you’ll get the idea. I was working at Integrity Online during the time of this site. It was in my gothic era… That’s why the NIN Perfect Drug theme on the ‘enter’ page. Hehe

A Chair’s Life – Version 2.0 (2000 – 2001)

Still working for Integrity and I still think some of the designs were pretty good considering it was early on in my learning process back in 2001… I was even playing with Macromedia Flash! Check out my Flash Intro Here

A Chair’s Life – Version 3.0 (2003 – present)

I may be revamping this page again. We’ll see what happens when I get my photography site up. I might have a new theme to connect them.

It was a trip revisiting these sites just because I’ve learned so much about web design and graphic arts.

Anyways, not sure how interesting this will be for everyone, other then the fact that going through the pictures of family and friends was a trip in itself! If you want to see old pictures of me you should enjoy those pages!

Labels:




Sunday, February 11, 2007

The weekend is winding down quickly and I'm not really ready to head into another work week. I have so much to share and so little time to share it all that I'm just not sure that I should even try. The thing is, for the first time in a long time I want to express feelings rather then just an update on what I am doing in my life.

It's amazing what you can see when you die to yourself. I have spent a couple of days giving up things that I felt I was in some way addicted to. It was amazing the realization of how addicted to these things I was once I made a decision to take them out of my life for a few days. But even more amazing is the timing of all of this. Last week I was already looking inward and I guess in a way it prepared me for what was revealed to me once I chose to die to myself... Giving up things that wasted my time and focusing on an internal evaluation. Whoa... Floodgates people! The floodgates were opened.

But ... it's late and I have to get up early... so hopefully I will sit down and write all that I have learned about myself this last week.

Labels:




Saturday, February 03, 2007

I just got back from my morning walk. I normally don't get up early for my walks on the weekend, but yesterday it was so beautiful I had hoped to capture it with my camera along with the sunrise. I also wanted to test out my new polarizing filter that I bought out in Colorado. I woke up at my normal time, 6:15 and got out the door by 6:30... I knew the sun rose at about 7:00 these days. I usually miss it because I’m already back inside getting ready for work. The morning was beautiful in its own way but not like yesterday. It was cold! In the 20's but I was all bundled up. I got some great shots, but not at all what I was expecting to get. Isn’t it great that even though you have a plan sometimes things work out better!? I thought about continuing on to the place I explored last weekend but decided the morning sun was at the wrong angle for the pictures I had wanted to get. I’m sure it could have worked but I decided to hold off.

I think I am going to go to Starbucks and get a coffee. Maybe bring a book and read. I need to run to the bank when it opens and the rest of the day is free! I love weekends like this. No obligations, no prior engagements, totally open to do what I want to do! I am still debating on what that all is. Hehe I was gonna go back to bed after taking pictures but that doesn’t seem likely. And now, on a weekend I’ve already been up and running since 6:30! This can be a productive day if I keep going like this!

Anyways, I will be posting pictures soon!

Labels: ,




Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I didn't think I'd have the time for an update. But good news needs to be shared! haha

Weigh In - 11/23/06




I've lost another 2 pounds (for a total of 35 pounds lost)! Which of course I'll probably gain back after all the good food I'll be consuming today! haha But the exciting part about this is that this means my walks that I have been doing in the morning and during my lunch break are helping me get past the plateau I was finding myself in with my weight loss. So not only are the walks helping me mentally they are helping me physically! YAY! Now I just need to make these walks a habit. I originally did them consistently as a test and I can see getting annoyed with waking up early. But once I do it I feel so much better!

Inspiration - I am inspired to change my thought process. I mean it's been happening lately but last night and this morning I've watched things that encourage positive thinking! My favorite saying right now will be "I've got a pink kink in my think!" hahaha Ask me if you don't know where that line came from! I watched a special this morning that I recorded the other day. It was very inspirational! I kept it so that I can watch it with my friend Brandie but also so that I can take notes. I mean there are a couple things I don't agree with, but for the most part it's biblical but not put in biblical terms. I feel the need to learn, to strive, to change... There is so much more out there that I can be but I've allowed myself to believe they were not possible because of my fears and insecurities. Anyways, I look forward to sharing as this process takes place.

Well I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! Be sure to express what you are thankful for! Hey, that’s not a bad idea…

What I’m thankful for….

My life - For where I’ve come and where I am going
My family - Whom I will be spending the day with!
My friends - My heart is filled with such joy and gratitude today for my friends! I wish I could just give all of you big bear hugs to express my love for your impact in my life. I feel a natural high because of the amazing reminders I’ve had this morning of how wonderful my friends truly are! I love you guys!
My camera - The ability and desire that I have to capture the life I see around me through the lens of that camera.
Starbucks! – (I’m feeling the affects of my drink from this morning! Haha) My morning fix and the people that work there that now know me as a friend

Gosh, if I had more time this list would just keep going, but I gotta go get ready to head over to my parents. But honestly, the biggest thing that I’m thankful for are my friends, old and new alike, acquaintances and close friends! I love you all! Happy Thanksgiving!

Labels: , ,






Stills
Faith
Occupation

Observations