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You have just entered the secret domain of Charity Ring.
These are my personal thoughts as I find time to write them. I am just writing to write, no other reason. If you want to, please feel free to email me what you think of my thoughts. But please don't mock me, as cheesy as some of these thoughts are, they are truly what I feel.
5.24.01
So I've been feeling like everything I do is wrong. Well of course we
all know where those thoughts come from right? It's just really disheartening
when you allow Satan to take a stronghold on your thoughts. That is why
it is soooo important to put on the full armor of God DAILY! Take your
thoughts captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ! I need to ask for forgiveness
of my Father, Lord Jesus Christ. My attitude is so horrible that I've
allowed it to affect my relationships as well as my work, as a job and
my ministry! I've reallized that I need to seek God and ask for forgiveness.
I need to seek Him more regularly. I need to change my outlook and realize
that whatever it is that God puts me through it's for a reason. It's for
my life and my growth!
So today after blowing it within the first hour of my day starting I started
over. I realized that I need to fight. When the feelings arise that I
know are going to control my thinking and my actions I need to make sure
that they are spiritually valid. Ya know? I mean yeah I've noticed I've
had valid points this whole time that I've been struggling but those are
my worldly valid points. They are through the worlds interpretation of
valid. But God has a whole different set of rules and guidelines for valid
behaviors. And believe me the last couple days I haven't been spiritually
valid... At all... So whoever reads this could pray for my attitude and
becoming a stronger person. I need to be strong. I need to be confident
in what God has planned for my life. But then that boils down to being
stronger in my fight and putting on the full armor of God.
I feel so much better today. Though there's still a little sinking sensation
in my stomach every time a thought comes into my mind about EVERYTHING
that's going on in my life. But I need to seek God. I need to give Him
my thoughts. And know that He is holding my hand and not only that He's
guiding my path as small and narrow as it may be... I've been stepping
out of the lines that's for sure. But I am strong again. Through God my
strength has been lifted higher.
Well I need to get going. I'm going to go to a candle party down in Ontario.
It should be a lot of fun. I love candle parties and it's going to be
with the wife's of the East West boys. :) I still have yet to meet Bobby's
wife but I've heard a lot of wonderful things through Collette about her.
:) Bobby has been the one guy of the band to truly befriend me. And I
think that's totally awesome! He's an awesome guy! Anyways, so long...
Bye
OK so I have no bang, no braces, and am listening to the new Depeche Mode album as I'm typing... How much better could life be? Not much. But then why is it that I'm depressed and sad and unmotivated? I feel like I have nothing good... Though I'm tired and my teeth hurt and I don't like the retainers... So maybe it's not as awesome as I thought. But I guess because I've been thinking about this day forever I thought it might be better then it actually really was. So what do I do to get myself out of this slump?
And on top of that I'm feeling neglected by a certain person. Maybe that's my problem. I've become dependent again? I have no life? :) hehehehe Well I just need to struggle to get that back then. I need to realize that I am going to enjoy my time without worrying about other people! I've had a wonderful day up until I felt that I needed to do something for a certain person. That's when the headache came and that frustration arose! WOW! I think I figured it out! I mean I DON'T HAVE ANY BRACES!!!! Though the retainers are annoying as heck! I need to go back in because the top one is not fitting right to the roof of my mouth. Which kinda sucks cause it does this teeter tottering thing when I bite down or my tongue touches the back of it... It's REALLY annoying... I think if it fit better I would be happier about it.
I was supposed to call the kids in youthgroup and I haven't even done that? What is wrong with me? I should just stop everything I'm doing for myself and start doing something for someone else ya know? Maybe that'll help me feeling unmotivated. Yeah I guess I should go do that... Well I'll be talkin more later. :)
Bye
5.14.01
Well my bangs are growing out. It's taking a while and I hate to admit
within the first few days I wanted to chop them off again. But I've stuck
with it because the day that I wanted to chop em off my blow dryer died
so I was stuck with just doing my bangs back. :) But it's ok. I've gotten
compliments already and they haven't grown that much yet. So I think once
they grow out my hair will look A LOT better.
Tomorrow's the day! MY DAY! Not only do I get my braces off but Depeche
Mode's new album is coming out! Tomorrow is my day! I will be busy all
day. But I don't mind. I have my appointment tomorrow morning at 9am and
I've already told my friends that I would take pictures and send a mass
email! "Chair with straight teeth!" CRAZY! I might surprise
a few people but since I've been so stoked about this I've told everyone
close to me the countdown of days left :) I'm not looking forward to the
retainers cause I had a hard time talking with the bite plate and it's
similar in design. So we'll have to see tomorrow. But you should know
that I will get a picture posted on the internet as soon as I can! :)
If I can send a mass email I can make a quick HTML document. :)
Then as soon as I walk out of the ortho office I will go into my car and
drive to Best Buy. I think it'll be open by then and I will go and buy
Depeche Mode's Exciter album and listen to it not only with a big grin
enjoying the music but enjoying my teeth! :)
I'm listening to East West's new album, The Light in Guinevere's Garden,
it's awesome! Though I love those guys with whatever they write! But I
have to admit I felt completely honored when they showed to Solid Mind's
show in Bellflower and out of the blue interupted their talk with "the
guys" and complimented me on my pictures of them on their site. And
Bobby, the coolest drummer in the world, besides Jesse of course, said
that he checked out my whole site and thought I had a really good eye
and that I was a very talented artist! That totally blew me away and I
was soooo thankful for the compliment. It made me feel really good that
someone outside of my influence thought my work was good. :) So much so
that he went out of his way to make sure I knew about it. :) How cool
is that? Oh yeah I told Mike I'd check out the new site! :) So I'll be
back tomorrow when I have my braces off! WOOHOO!
Bye
5.8.01
God is good! I have had a wonderful morning and have really felt the compassion
of his acceptence in me whether I sin or not. God has forgiven me of that
because I have asked for forgiveness. So I am sitting here listening to
my awesome worship mix, including Sonic Flood and Vineyard worship and
I am fully happy! I realize I make my mistakes but I learn from them.
That's the awesome part. :) God is faithful to teach me more, about myself
and who He wants me to be. It's a good feeling.
I was very nervous about my youth group the other night. I was frustrated
with the idea that the kids in my youth don't want to do anything. Well
unfortunately I can't get mad at them or blame them. I realize that drive
and motivation is infectious if you yourself carry a large amount of it.
So I have decided instead of trying to get these kids to be what they
are not I will work on my drive and motivation and be excited and into
what is going on around me and hopefully that will be infectious like
a laugh or a bright smile. I have already seen the effects of a smile
and what it can do to people that you are walking towards in a crowded
mall. I have a dream! I really do! God has re-invented my dream in my
heart so I can relearn that drive and motivation and excitement for what
He's going to do.
I was given a job to do today! I have to create a "coming soon"
splash page for www.scidco.com
! I am excited! I have this whole flash idea that is in my brain but I
just gotta get started on it. I also want to get my computer reformatted
so that I can work without feeling like maybe my Dreamweaver will open
or not. I am feeling excited about it. I guess cause my imagination is
going wild right now. I want it to be pretty cool. :)
I have exactly a week till I get my braces off! woohoo!!!! I am soooo
excited! Next week at this very moment in time, 10:18am I should be walking
around tripping out on the fact that I don't have braces on anymore. My
appointment is for 9 am! I wanted to be the first scheduled so that I
can have them off ASAP! :) I just can't wait! I know I'll have to get
used to the retainers but oh well... I can live with that.
Well I should get going before my creative juices are gone. :)
Bye
I got part of my braces taken off the 1st of May!!!! What a wonderful sensation to feel your actual teeth again! I only got the bands removed but it's amazing how much just the bands annoyed me! I can smile without my cheeks being scraped with metal! Though the front teeth still have braces I'm totally cool with that... The idea that they come off in less then two weeks is crazy to me! I'm counting the days down. I even had to take before and after pictures with one of my friends Kallie. She's in my youth but is soon moving to Oklahoma to go to college. Click here to see our scandia shots that we took today :)
Hmm? What else??? My mom comes back from Seattle this Saturday! I'm totally happy! I missed her soooo much! Today has been really weird. I felt constantly busy but in a very productive way and I didn't even do anything with work really. :{ hehehe
My best friend Rachel just got her first apartment since she's been married! I'm sooo happy for her. I know she's had things in boxes for so long and it's going to be sooooo fun for her to go through everything! I can't wait to see what it looks like when she has everything in place. It seems that everyone is moving to new places or at least thinking about it. I hate to admit though I have it made in the shade at home I am slightly envious of my friends that are out on their own. Not that I don't have it good at home and that I have no problems or stress at home. But it would be nice to start over on my own. Fresh and new! Unpacking and setting everything where I want it. I guess because my room is basically my own one bedroom apartment it would be nice to have a couple rooms to have my stuff around. But since I've had it all in my one little bedroom at home for so long I'm sure I'd feel like it was too empty. But my brother Brian mentioned moving out and said I could move out with him if I wanted to. I have to admit the idea does appeal to me very much. I'd miss my mom but then I'd have just the sense of maturity that I think turning 24 has me seeking. I feel kinda like a lush living at home. I can't complain though. I mean no rent or payments really, other then helping out with gas and electric since the prices have gone up. But who knows? God has a plan and I'm not going to jump into anything. I'll just wait it out and see how it is when my parents come home.
Last night I spent some time praying and worshiping God which is something I've been lacking lately. But it was an awesome time. I cried and felt extremely close to God. I felt that he was holding me and comforting me and wanting me to trust in Him. :) It was a really awesome feeling. I even felt that I had a revelation type thing. :) I felt the great desire to reach the world and witness in my own way. So I ended up making cookies for our entire building at work. :) I surprised most but of course MSCA is getting used to it. hehehe It was a good feeling to go out and know that as little of a gesture as that was it was hopefully planting a seed, small as it may be. I don't mind. I finally did something and felt that I did it for God! Finally I reached out of my own comfort zone. I need to do that more often for sure! But I have to admit before I did it I felt completely under attack! Spiritual attack that is. But as soon as I did it my day went better, I didn't have to fight as many thoughts, and I was in a truly joyful mood. Which I have been praying to get for a while now. I want the true joy of Jesus shining through me and my daily walk and actions. I'm thankful for God allowing me to feel this today and I can't wait for what He has for me to do tomorrow to further His kingdom!
Well it's getting late and I need to head over to Solid Mind practice. So goodbye for now...
Do not duplicate without written permission.