A Chair's Life Blab Page

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These are my personal thoughts as I find time to write them. I am just writing to write, no other reason. If you want to, please feel free to email me what you think of my thoughts. But please don't mock me, as cheesy as some of these thoughts are, they are truly what I feel.

6.20.01

Why is it that I can't seem to do anything right? I mean I'm trying so hard to have grace for others. And yet I blow up at the slightest whim! I need to realize that people are hurting and struggling and I need to be there for them. As wrong as they may be on the subject I need to just love them and tell them that I'll be praying for them. I mean why do I think I have all the answers? Why do I feel that I have the right way to look at things? Probably because the way things are being looked at is negative and nothing godly is negative. But haven't I been through a bunch of times of thinking purely negatively? So why am I so hard on others that are negative? Please God give me the compassion and grace that I need to be a good listener and servant for you!

My bible study today almost made me laugh. I've been on this whole having grace for others as well as being a servant. Well let me read what they stated...

Mark 10:43-45

43. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great amond you must be a servant, 44. and whoever wants to be first must be a slave to all. 45. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.

Phiippians 2:3-5

3. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better then yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not onlly to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.

So there you have it. I haven't been doing that at all. So God where do I get this attitude and heart of a TOTAL servant? Only through You! But I so desperately want to be there right now. But maybe that's why you are putting situations in my path so that I will learn and see where it is that I fail. So that I can work harder the next time. Why do I judge so easily? It's not that I mean to be a horrible person or have such a bad attitude, I truly mean to help. But Lord, I somehow overwhelm the person into thinking that I don't care about them. Please Lord, help me not give the air that I'm so much better. I know I am not! Believe me I see that. But I don't want to come across EVER that I'm thinking better of myself. And if I ever have that impression PLEASE LORD HUMBLE ME!!!!!! Right there on the spot. Kind of like today. Help me hold my tongue until I know for sure that I'm supposed to say what is on my heart. I think that's where I fail miserably. I feel that I may be helping the situation and end up making it worse. Help me know what I am supposed to do. I want to be a helper and a good listener.

Well I must work. Please God help today go better. Amen...

6.7.01

My bible studies for today were really good. I had to read two today, "Burying Our Talents" and "A Gift". Both spoke to me in the fact that I need to give my life to God and do things for Him. When I do He will make my path straight. He will guide me. I will be more aware of my gifts that He has blessed me with. I won't be able to say "that's not my gift", because God will show me that He gives me everything that I own.

These are songs that I truly sing with all my heart and I hope that God will change me to be more like them. I want to be a servant to Him. These are my prayers…

I call out to you my Lord. Hear the cry of my heart. Change me to be like You, I pray. Come Lord, Jesus have your way. I surrender all to you. I give up my life to live for you. I surrender all to you.

I long to know you, cause only you can satisfy. I long to touch you, cause only you can heal my life. Heal my life. I can't find peace in the things I do. I need to see your kingdom. I can't find peace as I strive for you. I need to see your face. Hold me in your arms and never let me run away. Hold me in your arms and say you'll stay.

Hungry I come to you for I know you satisfy. I am empty but I know your love does not run dry. SO I wait for you. Yes I wait for you. I'm falling on my knees offering all of me. Jesus your all this heart is living for. Broken I run to you for your arms are open wide. I am weary but I know your touch restores my life. So I wait for you. Yes I wait I wait for you! I'm falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus your all this heart is living for!

These are scriptures that I read today. Ironically enough these were not part of my bible studies. But something in each verse caught my eye as I was turning the pages. These impacted me the most today and I feel God intended on having me see these scriptures to build me up.

Ephesians 3:16-19
16. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17. so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18. may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19. and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Luke 17:7-10
7. "Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, 'Come along now and sit down to eat'? 8. Would he not rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? 9. Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10. So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'"

Romans 12:1-2
Living Sacrifices! 1. Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. 2. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Amen

6.4.01

Well it's a new month and a new life. I've been struggling the last few days of May. So I guess in a way I'm glad for the new beginning. Sometimes I need a new beginning. Last night I was so angry and frustrated inside that I had to work out and do sit-ups and push ups and just work out my frustrations. I couldn't sleep. I was so angry that I actually took my fist and hit the wall out of anger!! I still don't know why I seem to struggle so much lately. The anger is getting more prominent and I am starting to become bitter and I say things without thinking now. And then I allow thoughts to get controlled. I mean I seriously think of things that I know are not true but then I dwell on them.

But I prayed with my mom this morning and I really felt that God lightened my heart and caused me to not think so much of the past and dwell on the wrong things. Or think worse of a situation then it really is. My brother and I went down the hill last night and I started to talk to him about my problems, and he said something that really impacted me. He said that sometimes we make our life more difficult and hard then it needs to be. And we get so anxious about things that we don't have control over anyways so why fret? Well this is all well and good and I really am trying to let that sink in. I find that I take on the worlds problems. Well maybe not the world's but my friends problems. If they talk to me I get all worked up for their situation on top of dealing with my own pathetic life that I freak out about when I don't need to freak out.

So I've been praying that God would give me strength not to look at the past and to look forward and have confidence in the life that God has for me. I know it's a wonderful life that He has planned for me. And I'm trying to look ahead and not back. I'm trying to see the good and not the bad. So I plan on praying on a daily basis that I am happy where I am on the way to where I'm going.

Bye

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