My Observations

* Disclaimer *

These are my thoughts; though they may be public domain, please have enough respect and understand that they are mine and are not for the use of your own deviant agenda.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Talk about a crazy weekend! I spent my weekend non-stop running! Friday night I left work early to head up the hill for the youthgroup lock-in we were having. I left work at about 6:30 to hit stop and go traffic. It took me 45 minutes to drive two miles of the freeway! Knowing I had to be up the hill within two hours I called friends that knew the area so they could get me the back way to the back route up the freeway. Thank God for them! I passed sooo much stopped traffic it was amazing! I ended up getting up the hill by 8pm and the rest of my night was a blast! We stayed up playing pit, dominos, flashlight tag, musical chairs, and duck duck goose! And at about 5:30am we all went out to watch the sun rise. And at this point I have to show pictures. It was absolutely amazing!

Here are pictures of my awesome youthgroup! I love these guys! They are the most fun people to hang out with. Each are unique in their own way. I could go on and explain each one, but I won't. Just know that as much as this is a ministry for them, I am usually the one ministered to.

flashlight tag : 1amsunrise : 6am

So what has God been doing in my life? Every week I get more and more convicted on things I need to change. But there are moments that I just want to be selfish and live my life for me. I know God will continue to work on me. He always does. I just don't want to become so numb that I stop hearing His call to change. There are times, like Sunday, where I really feel that I can do what I need to do. Read the bible on a daily basis, pray and cry out to Him for strength and guidance in my daily activities, and just live a God-filled life. But for some reason I have yet to do these things that I know will strengthen who I am and make me a better person. And for those of you reading this and believe that Jesus Christ died and rose again for our sins, please be praying that I will do the will of God in my life.

Well I must get to work. I hope you enjoy the pictures of the gorgeous sunrise that God blessed us with Saturday morning!


Sunday, May 18, 2003

I'm sitting here waiting to go to my friend Turtle's show. I have never heard his band, and I have to admit I'm just feeling a little awkward going, the people there are a huge part of my past, my gothic wannabe days. And I'm listening to Ben Folds "Rockin The Suburbs", talk about total opposites! Either way, I'm looking forward to seeing them, though I'm sitting here trying to figure out what I can wear that's at least somewhat dark. hehehe

Look at these beautiful sunflowers! Just thought I'd share them. They are so bright and beautiful.

So today has been a day of reflection. Why is it that usually Sundays are the days to think about where you're life is going? I don't know about you, but I find that I think a lot about life on Sundays. Maybe it's because I spend my morning at church, focusing on God, and then when I leave He finally hits me with all the stuff that I should have been thinking about all week long! As funny as that sounds now, it's not always the most comfortable process. Today has been a very uncomfortable process. Remember that guilt I talked about a few entries back? Well that guilt hit full force today. I feel fine now, but there are few things that I'm gonna need to change about my life in the coming weeks and I'm not quite sure that I even want to! I think that's the worst part. I don't want to change.

Tuesday, May 06, 2003

So do you ever feel like you become the worst version of yourself? I know that's a line somewhere in this world, but it just explains what I'm feeling right now. I am not miserable by any means. I'm enjoying life, almost too much. I feel like I have totally taken my focus and placed it in the wrong things. The enjoyment that comes out of those things is momentary but for some reason I don't care. I'm happy. Yet I am wondering in the back of my mind if I'm doing the right thing. Guilt... Ah... is that what it is? Yes, maybe it is guilt. And I'm sure it will be so consuming that I will change, but for now I'm living my life, and as selfish as this sounds, I'm living it for me.

I went to see X2 on Thursday night at midnight with some of my friends from work. I had a lot of fun! I was glad to see them outside of their work environment. My sister and brother-in-law came and I was extra thankful to have people that I cared so much about to be there with me. Weíre going to be doing this again in a week from this Thursday for The Matrix! I canít wait! Though the lack of sleep that comes with it wasnít too great, I found myself bearing 4 hours of sleep rather well! I used to think that I was an 8 hours of sleep a night girl, after this experience Iím thinking maybe Iím closer to 6 hours of sleep a night girl. I have been more upbeat and energetic with less sleep. So Iím trying it and seeing how long I can last. ;)

Now my dog Chacha has me worried. She is a 14-year-old red Chow. I named her Chacha Ming Lee because when I got her I was in 6th grade and chacha was my code name, (back when you have code names) ;) and my dad was determined to give her a Chinese sounding name (he was big into the dynastyís at that moment). She is getting old. She has a hard time walking, and hates being outdoors, but when we bring her in she's had a couple accidents, so we try to keep her outside, but the younger dogs are picking on her (I believe because sheís the weak one). It just breaks my heart. Look at this cute little face! She is such a pretty dog. She is old. Iím scared for her now though.