Wednesday, June 30, 2004
I finally finished the book "A Purpose Driven Life". For some reason I was delaying the last two chapters. I realize how much reading that book helps me focus on the right things. I plan to go through the book again after or during the time that I'm reading "The Five Love Languages". I want to follow through with all the activities and suggestions that book gives. Things to write down, memorize, excersizes, etc.
I sometimes feel that I'm so far from God that I don't know how to get back on the path to get close to him again. I get a glimpse and feel good about that direction and then something blocks my path and wonder off again. It's really frustrating. I want to have a closer relationship with God. I want to depend on him more and not myself because I get too overwhelmed too easily when I do that. Only dependence on God will help me not to get overwhelmed with my life.
In this final chapter, Day 40, I realized that God should be my center but what do I spend most of my time thinking about? Work. I spend most of my day either working on projects while I'm on the clock, and frustrated with everything else about work off of the clock. That can't be right. I need to learn not to focus so soley on my job but enjoy things throughout the day, *while at work* that are not work related. To stop and smell the roses so to speak. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. But what does linkLINE really matter in the grand scheme of things? It's just a job. I'm sure I'll have many more in my lifetime. Is linkLINE really worth all the worry and stress? I mean look back at how many posts there are of me complaining about work!? Something's just not right there.
Tonight I wrote my 'thank you' letter to send off with the individual thank you cards. I finally finished something that has been on my 'To Do's' since I've been back from Africa! That's quite a long time to have taken to accomplish that. It feels good to be done. And actually I finished 2 on my list! I've completed "A Purpose Driven Life" and now the 'Thank You' letter! I have a cerfew to catch in 10 minutes because I'm doing yet another 'To Do' which is waking up at 4:30 and going to the gym which I have started back up since I completed housesitting and I feel great! My parents are on weightwatchers so there is nothing but good food to eat around the house. God is answering my prayers for help. I have so many things I want to accomplish that I get overwhelmed. But as anyone knows but rarely does, if you just take one day at a time you can accomplish everything you need to. So I have a list of 'To Do's' that I'm sure will change but for now I can check 2 things off of it. :)
Well it's my bed time and I need to clean off my makeup.
CD Player: INXS "The Greatest Hits"
Mood: Glad to have accomplished something
Link for the day: My pictures of Africa
Well this week has been a good week so far. I'm on my lunch break and actually stuck eating in the office. I dislike doing that because it never really feels like a lunch break because you always get interupted.
So far this week has been pretty productive. I think I was discouraged last week because I hadn't really set any goals. This week I've set some goals. Like tonight I'm gonna go home finish the last chapter of a book I'm reading and start my thank-you notes for people helping send me to Africa.
Work has gotten better because I think last week when I felt like I was under the microscope, well I was. And this week they are telling me how much they see that I need help with doing, and that little things like going to the bank and to the post office are things they should try to get someone else to do for me. So we're working on those things. The new controller is actually pretty cool. He's very appreciative and lets you know too. That's something we're not too used to around here. It helps me to want to work harder. Whereas before I just felt discouraged and unuseful.
It's been strange to see where life takes you day by day. Right before I had to leave for the post office I realized that a person from my past had added me her list like last week. She was a friend of my ex's and we got along ok and she was nice enough to talk to but I have to admit I never really trusted her. Well I never messaged her after she added me until today. As we were catching up we come to find out that my ex who has Primary Pulmonar Hypertension has lied to one of us about the oddest thing! He told me he was married about 2 1/2 months ago, whereas he told her last week
that he was only engaged. This just seems odd to me. Oh well. Maybe someday when he calls I'll ask him.
CD Player: Depeche Mode "Violator"
Link for the day: Tim & Annette's Wedding Link
Monday, June 28, 2004
Here is the newest picture I have of my little nephew Gabriel Trace!
Sunday, June 27, 2004
My week of house-sitting is finally over! I don't mind getting away most of the time. It's nice to have a place to get away and have the TV controls all to myself. :) But after a while it just becomes an inconvenience. This last place wasn't the most comfortable for me. Normally I'm house-sitting for people I know really well, like Sam, my adopted grandma or my sisters' place. This time it was just different. Either way I'm just glad it's done.
I'm not sure if I'm ready for this next week to be here already. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed at work, but of course that's old news for my blog... But lately so many people at work are discouraged it's hard to stay positive and upbeat. I'll be glad when things are finally out of this slump.
So let's see... This week has consisted of work and house-sitting. I watched a lot of movies this last week. I watched The Mummy and The Mummy Returns last Saturday. I ended up watching Legally Blonde and Legally Blonde Two (Definitely one timer movies) on Wednesday evening. Thursday I watched The Scorpion King and Pearl Harbor. I had forgotten how good of a movie Pearl Harbor was! It was like watching it for the first time... again! I watched the first Harry Potter movie on Friday night.
Saturday was an incredibly busy day. I did a bunch of running with Sam. We took Ricer for his checkup since he was sick earlier in the week and Sam took him in for blood work. Ricer has the biggest personality of all of the cats I've ever known! He wasn't doing so hot and the results came back that he most likely ate a spider or had some cleaning supplies. Sam's next door neighbor just moved out so we're thinking the chemicals for cleaning the carpets and the paint probably got to him. But he's on his way to recovery. It made me want to take my dog Chacha in to get checked out. She's so old and I'm afraid of all the stuff they're going to tell me about her. :( I'm scared to find out what needs to be done.
So I went to the place I'm housesitting and cleaned it up a bit. We went to the office so Sam could pick up the linkLINE van so we could clean out a storage unit. I took Sam's car back to his place. We waited for Tony and headed over to clean out the storage unit. Once we dropped everything off at Sam's, we went through some of the boxes. I've taken some of his cds he had packed away. ;) Right now I'm listening to INXS! I love them! I'm a total 80's freak! :D David showed up after he got off of work and we checked out some disturbing military links online. Tony decided to ditch us for a party while Sam, David, Erin and myself went to the movies. We went and saw Dodgeball and The Terminal. I thought Dodgeball had it's moments. But my brother explained it best, you shake your head more then laugh during the movie. The Terminal was good. I mean it wasn't a Tom Hanks "Best Ever" movie. But he did a good job. I drove home and crashed HARD!
Today after church I ran a couple errands. Brian and I went to take Megan and Bailey to see Around the World in 80 Days, which was a really cute movie. Gosh I've watched too many movies this week!
I've been really wanting to get back into journaling again. Not like blogging, because knowing that people read this I can't share my deepest fears, thoughts, desires etc. I miss being able to open up completely. I've actually had a hard time with my blog when I found out that people have been reading it just to make fun of me. But as my wise friend Marc once told me, that's the price we pay for being open about our thoughts. Though to be honest it has stifled my posts. Knowing certain people are reading that I never intended on reading this has made me hold back, but I guess that's something I'm still working through. I can't change who I am just because I know people are reading this. Then I would be fake. And I have not been phony but I have kept some things that are weighing on my heart out of my posts for others' sake. I believe I have made a decision to change that. :)
Well my eyes are going cross-eyed and I need to go wash off my makeup and get ready for bed.
CD Player: INXS "The Greatest Hits"
Link for the day: A Cool Clock
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
I have some time while I'm uploading drivenIT's business site. My brother and I just got back from going out to dinner. It's been a while since we've hung out but I've noticed we've been trying to make more time for eachother which of course is always cool. Brian and I used to be really close at one point. I've told him of my desire to come back to work for him full time. He's working on getting me back and in the meantime I've got to look at linkLINE as a training ground for doing the books for drivenIT.
Lately linkLINE has been down in the dumps. The morale has been low and it picked up towards the end of last week but today again it was an all-time low and being that I am pmsing I was not in the frame of mind to fight it off very well. I left work wishing more then ever in my life to crawl into a hole and never come out again. I am tired of the strain and stress at work. I never feel like there's enough time in a single day to do everything that needs and is expected to get done. I joked with my dad that I'm too young for this grown up job, I'm not a grown up yet. He laughed and said he was sorry to say that I really am an adult and I truly can handle this grown up job. It was sweet. And I only half-heartedly meant that I wasn't able to handle it. I just feel overwhelmed at times. And today was one of those times.
I've also been housesitting since last Saturday and well I've had some pretty creepy experiences at the house. I guess I'm just not good living on my own. :) I have housesat before and haven't gotten the creeps this badly. But I do prefer to have people in a house with me while I'm sleeping that's for sure.
I guess I should get going.
Have a great night
CD Player: Depeche Mode "Exciter"
Mood: Relieved to be away from linkLINE
Link for the day: DrivenIT's rough-draft site
Monday, June 21, 2004
Gabriel Trace Ring
7 Lbs. 10 oz.
20 ½ inches
Born June 21, 2004
Gabriel: Devoted to God
Trace: Harvester, Courageous, Battler
I love technology!!! Isn't he beautiful!?
Happy Birthday Gabriel!
I have a new nephew born at 7:47am (9:47 am Mississippi Time)! His name is Gabriel but they don't have a middle name picked out yet. I am sooooooo excited! I can't wait to see a picture of him!
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there! I'm at home waiting for my dad to get back from church. Today's message was so amazing! I feel completely convicted by God to make a drastic change with how I view my time. I want to become more of a servant. Yes 'me-time' is good, but I don't need to be so obsessed with getting it. I'm a little scared about what all this entails, as far as changing is concerned, but I know it'll be for the best in the long run.
This has been a good weekend. Saturday I took my neice and nephew out for pizza and some play time at John's Incredible Pizza. I rode on the bumper cars and they are seriously the most fun I've had on ANY bumper cars! The ride lasts a while and it actually has some gusto! It was pretty fun. I couldn't go take them to "Around the World in 80 Days" because my brother was out of town and didn't want me to take them without him. And they had already seen "Shrek 2" so I ended up just renting a couple movies for them and watching it back at my house. It was a good time.
I'm housesitting this week for a family in the church and last night was my first night there. I'd have to say it was rather comfortable being my first night there. So for the rest of the week I'm going to enjoy having the controls all to myself. ;)
Well I took pictures for this lady at church last sunday and never got them to her. I should get started on those before my dad gets back.
CD Player: Listening to radio Air1
Link for the day: Happy Fathers Day
Friday, June 18, 2004
Gosh today's been full of energy. Unlike Thursday or the rest of the week. A new attitude is floating around the office when earlier this week we were experiencing some serious low morale issues. It got to the point that I felt something needed to be done about it. I talked to the CEO and he was totally receptive to what I was seeing but didn't have any ideas. So Thursday I went looking up Office Morale Boosters and found a ton of stuff! I talked to people around the office and decided to bring up the ideas to him, but of course he left the office early that day.
So first thing this morning I went to him and told him my ideas and his face lit up when I mentioned the first one: paintball match with east side vs. west side. We have two offices... One is for production and the other for the rest of the company. It's been a long standing joke that we're east side / west side. So there's like 1/3 of the employees over in production but they all have either played paintball (some semi-professionally), or have experience with guns or both! So we figure they have the advantage over us east siders. ;) Actually what am I saying... They are gonna slaughter us! But it should still be fun in the meantime.
The second I was going to suggest but he suggested it first. LAN gaming. Getting a bunch of computers together and playing and ordering pizza and hanging out. He told me to talk to Sam about what it would take. And when I told him Sam told me that our computers aren't equiped enough to handle the games he suggested getting 20 computers together for gaming all the time! I was shocked!
The third was the co-worker appreciation thing. I'm not sure what it's called. You have people recommend their co-workers for a job well done on any particular given moment and whoever gets the most in the end of the month gets a gift certificate and there will be honorable mentions so that way it's acknowledged by the CEO and the rest of the company. While this is cool to help the people see that they are in fact appreciated for what they do, it will also help the managers see the work that is being done when they aren't looking. And the CEO liked that idea too. *I don't know why I have a hard time saying his (the CEO's) name. Like it's an invasion of his privacy or something. I say other peoples names all the time.*
And also he (*the CEO*) ;) was mentioning at our first meeting that he didn't really know what everyone's job entailed. I suggested that he tag along with a person in each department to get a feel for what they go through in a day. Or better yet, as he put it, DO their job for a day! How awesome is that!?!
Well I've gotta run... I gotta get to the bank and then Sam and I are hangin out tonight to watch Pitch Black so we can go see the Chronicles of Riddik. hehe
Have a great weekend! I know I will! I'm outa here!
In CD player: Nothing
Mood: TGIF for sure!
Link of the day: Where I'm hoping we can play paintball
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Here it is Wednesday and I'm enjoying an evening at home. I've been bored of my posts as of late. I'm not sure what I want to do to spice it up a bit.
Today work was interesting. It started out a downer because there are so many people that do not want to be there and are fed up with all the stress and pressure that's put on them. I was feeling hopeless and helpless. As I listened I felt like something had to happen. Someone needed to talk about the moral of the office. And well I got the guts and actually spoke to the CEO about the situation. He was very receptive. He jokingly asked if I wanted to be the CMO - Chief Moral Officer. :) hehe So he seriously said he wanted me to put together something about once-a-month and he'd work at showing appreciation for the work everyone does. So it was a good meeting. It helped me understand that I can be more positive for the people that are struggling.
I'm housesitting next week for a family from the church. It's a really nice break to get away from the house every-once-in-a-while.
Well I've still got some reading to do. Sometimes slightly short posts are good. :) So below is some non-important information. Eventually I'd like it to be a picture of the day type thing. I think that would be cool. :)
In CD player: Violent Femmes
Link of the day: Mike and Bryans Trip to Vietnam
Monday, June 14, 2004
So God is too amazingly good to me sometimes! I had an overwhelming experience of God showering down his love for me through people around me. It's hard to explain without going into what happened over the weekend.
I had an incredibly busy weekend. Friday night I rushed back up the hill for a candle party, the girl booked one off of my show so I kind of felt that I had to go. I got home that night and relaxed, shaved, and did my nails.
Saturday I woke up and got ready for my friend Diane's baby shower at 11am, stayed there till 2pm and then headed to one of my youth kids graduation parties, stayed there till about 5pm and then headed down the hill to hang out with Sam. The night before Sam had a poker party at his place and our friend Tony got a little drunk and was still feeling the affects of it, so Sam and I decided to go out and waste some time. We went out to dinner and went shopping and then got back to his place. Tony left after David had brought back his truck and so for some reason Sam and I had gotten into a disagreement and it ended up being a pretty big fight. It felt like neither of us was willing to budge in our issues. I couldn't even explain how it ended. I think we just finally decided to give up the fight, which probably wasn't a good thing because that left some left over frustrations (which ended up trickling into the next day). :(
Sunday I went to church. I had nursery and then after church I had to take some pictures of some items that a lady in the church wanted to sell on ebay. I left and went straight down the hill to meet Sam so we could go to Disneyland. On the way we got back on the same problem as the night before and ended up having another discussion that finally led to the completion of the argument. It was pretty intense and there were moments that I wanted to just walk away from everything. Thankfully we worked it out. We are having a hard time communicating our feelings. Neither of us feels that the other is working at understanding each othersĀ? issues. But we agreed that we were both willing to try. So by the time we reached DisneyLand everything was really good. We met my friends Steve and Julie and went on Soarin over California, Tower of Terror, and California Screamin. We didn't get much more in. We sat and enjoyed ice-cream and laughed about cat stories. Steve and Julie have this cat named Norman which fits the profile of Norman Bates. :D I practically pee'd my pants laughing so hard. We have decided we all need to have a bbq and let Sam meet Norman. We ended up leaving the park at 8pm.
I ended up getting home pretty late so decided not to go to the gym this morning. I got up and went to work. I was trying to find out how I could better communicate with Sam for future issues and well I had talked to my friend Rachel and also Marc. Ironically both recommended a book called "The Five Love Languages". Marc told me that it works to understanding how to show love and appreciation to any relationship, work, family or romance. I talked to Sam and we're really excited about reading it. I think even suggesting it to Sam showed him that I was willing to work at understanding him more. Work was stressful because of the memorial for Ronald Reagan the Post Office was closed Friday. So the checks that came in today were big as Mondays usually are but basically ended up being two days worth because we didn't get mail Friday. So needless to say I spent the day rushing to the last minute to get everything posted, balanced, photocopied and ready to go to the bank. I luckily finished it right on time.
I was driving up the hill and it was hot and I was just looking forward to spending some time relaxing tonight, maybe watching a movie when as I was pulling onto the off ramp I realized my tire sounded funny. I knew immediately what that meant :( a flat tire! I was so upset. I had my doughnut spare but couldn't find the part of the jack that helped lift it. I called my parents who I knew were on their date day. I called Sam who said he'd be willing to come up and help me. I told him that seemed a bit ridiculous since I was only 10 miles away from home. I told him I would call around to see if someone else in my family was able to help me. I called my brother who was in the middle of work and was willing but I told him I would try my sister. I called Heidi and told her and she was totally cool to send her husband to come help me. I went and sat in my car, tired, hot, frustrated and emotional. I started to have tears well up in my eyes and I just prayed and told God that I was really frustrated and really just wanted to get home and that I hated being so helpless. Right then an older guy pulled up, backed up behind my car and the guy just started to get his stuff out of his trunk! I was in such shock! I felt immediately that this was an angel sent from God! I tried to help out with what I could. When I asked the guy for his information he said no and then asked why I wanted it. I told him because I didn't have any money on me and I wanted to show my appreciation for him helping. He told me he wouldn't accept that and then asked if I had a boyfriend and told me to have him take me out to dinner tonight and that would be payment enough!!! I was already emotional but you could imagine how emotional I was after that! He made me promise! He was so sweet. He changed the tire and as he packed up to leave I thanked him again and my brother-in-law showed up. I explained it to him and he was blown away by it. He was actually looking forward to being able to help me out. I called everyone and told them what happened and everyone couldn't believe it! ItĀ?s amazing to think there are still people out there that will help complete strangers. But I am still not convinced that wasn't an angel. American Tire was closed so my brother even offered to drive me down to work tomorrow morning. I told him that maybe my mom would let me barrow her car and he said that if that worked out he could take my car in tomorrow morning and get the tires fixed. I was just so blessed by everyone and everything in this situation.
God has just done some amazingly awesome things for me this weekend. I feel rejuvenated! I feel like this is a new beginning in all aspects of my life! Well IĀ?m going to go watch that movie with my mom.
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
I'm on my lunch break. For some reason today I'm *REALLY*
tired! I've even debated on going out to my car for a nap until my lunch break is over. I've gotten back on track as far as the morning gym schedule is concerned. Lately though I've been pretty tough on myself. I'm feeling rather discouraged about my weight gain. I'm doing something about it so that's good and I should feel good about it, but I still look in the mirror and don't like what I see. The realization that it took me a year to get this way means it's going to take me twice as long to lose it makes me feel like it's unattainable. But I know that is not the truth. I like being disciplined and getting myself out of bed at 4:30 in the morning. A little over a year ago no one would have believed that I was capable of it! :) I am I night person naturally but have become a morning person by choice. I was missing too much out of life staying up late and sleeping in late. This week my sister has started coming to the gym with me in the mornings, so that's been nice to have the company, though she likes to talk and I like to focus.
Well I gotta go.
Monday, June 07, 2004