My Observations

* Disclaimer *

These are my thoughts; though they may be public domain, please have enough respect and understand that they are mine and are not for the use of your own deviant agenda.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

So I'm sitting at a dining room table of someone's house that I've never been to before using their laptop. My brother Brian and bandmate Forrest are recording their parts to a new song for Poet Sky. Brian and I are pretty much spending the day together. I believe we're in Santa Clarita at this guy Kevin's home studio. It's a beautiful house. I feel a bit awkward just because I don't know him. I met him way back when I was in high school but of course he doesn't remember that. hehe This should take a couple of hours and then Brian and I are heading down to Pasadena to do some shopping for Brian. Later tonight we're going to Hollywood Bowl to watch Bright Eyes for our birthdays. So its a pretty full day but it should be fun.

I also got tickets to go see Jeff Dunham in Long Beach October 26th. :) I'm crushin on him. :) He's Ho-T! (for Andie hehe) And married but still... For an older guy he's pretty cute. Here are a couple clips. :)

Jeff Dunham, Peanut & Jose FULL!

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Well I do have a project I need to get started so that's it for now.

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Friday, September 28, 2007

(the below portion was written mostly on 9/21)

Wow... Life has been chaotic! I had a post started about my birthday excursion but it's outdated now. I really wanted to share early on about the entire day and how I felt but it seems that it would become one of the longest posts I've written so far! There are just too many things to update. But I will do my best to sum up. I am currently at work composing the bulk of this blog but I also think I will have to do most of the finalization at home. Who knows when this post will actually get published!

My Birthday Excursion 9/8/07 - Rachel and Andie picked me up in Rancho where I was housesitting with Starbucks in hand! I got to Andie's car and saw that they had decorated the windows with 'Happy Birthday Chair' and a big old '30th Birthday' sign on the passanger seat so everyone could know as we drove around! hehe It was cute. I get in the car and find out that I would get clues (more like riddles to figure out) where we were going next.

The first stop I figured to be a garden. Descanso Gardens to be exact. It was beautiful there! And it helped that the sky was particularly clear all day! I took tons of pictures. I felt completely special that the day had been planned around my love of photography!

Next clue led us to the Griffith Observatory! We had a bit of a hike up there but we laughed, had a good time and got our excersize in at the same time! I loved the Griffith Observatory and will make sure to go back when I can spend a day there! We were running short on time apparently and the girls stopped at one point to figure out which of the remaining stops we needed to skip.

The next clue took me a while to figure out, but it was the Mann's Chinese Theater and we realized it was a place I've been to plenty of times and we chose to skip it. The next clue should have gotten us to a cemetary called Hollywood Forever but ended up being an accidental skip since we drove right past it! It looks pretty cool so I'm gonna have to go back and check it out sometime. We ended up at the Huntington Beach Pier! Andie had NEVER been! I was quite surprised but we walked the pier. It was more crowded then I've seen it in a LONG time and I think my moodiness with crowds made for a short stop.

Apparently my sister was going to meet up with us at the last stop and we needed to head back. I was given my last clue of the day which was spelled out for me. :) We were going to Dave & Busters for dinner! The traffic back kind of sucked so we were late in meeting Heidi. I got to Dave & Busters and saw my sister who said she put our name in so after a quick stop to the restroom we'd go to our table.

Turns out in the end they did plan a surprise party for me! I had suspected it but as the day progressed I thought that wouldn't be happening. I walk through and my sister brings me to a table filled with a bunch of my friends! I had a great time hangin out! My friend Russ was even able to make it, he and I rarely get to hang out. I felt so special! Rachel and Andie really knew how to make my 30th a memorable one! I found out while we ate all that had conspired to make the day happen! Including Rachel stealing my cell a couple months prior to write down all the numbers she needed to invite people! I had NO CLUE!!!!

The entire day was all about me!! A full day of photography and an evening hanging out playing games with my friends! I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday! Rachel and Andie, you made me feel very loved! Thank you so much guys!

African Benefit Dinner 9/15/07 - The dinner was a success! But lets not get ahead of ourselves! Once we resigned ourselves to the fact that we would only have about 100 people there, the rest of the planning of the dinner went relatively smoothly. We already have people interested in when the next one is going to be. I heard only positive feedback, at least from the people that mattered. hehe They loved the decorations, which I was happy with as well. They enjoyed themselves and were entertained. My church had gone down to Faith Community Church in Buena Park which is a Kenyan church. I met Henry Karis who was an amazing guitarist! After the service I went up to him and asked him what he was doing the next saturday and booked him to play a couple of his own songs in Swahili. He did an amazing job and I hope he'll be able to come up for our next dinner. He and my brother hit it off and I knew they would. I specifically sat them at the same table. I only had one issue and that was with the photographer. Maybe it's because I was expecting something different and so was she. But our personalities clashed a bit. And to be honest I was a bit dissapointed. But other then that the night was awesome!

Later we found that we had a profit of over $2,500! My friend Jerry was impressed because he does the taste of Arcadia and the first year they had 600 people there and made 3000 profit. As the years have passed they have increased the profit but also the number of people in attendance. We only had 100 people there and made that amount. I'm nervous about planning the next so soon but we have the interest for it. People were impressed and we want to keep up the momentum. We can't wait another 3 years to have another dinner. But it's something I can chalk up to experience. When I get married I'll be prepared to plan the reception! hehe

Alliance - I've started training for some tasks in the Accounting Dept. It's a slow process because the lady training me only wants to train me on one portion of my future tasks a month. Also this month I had my 1 year anniversary with Alliance! A few things have changed in a years time... Mike is one the newest employees at Alliance. He's pretty cool. I've enjoyed getting to know him. He just got married earlier this year and they both have never been married before and are in their late 30's. They are an adorable couple too! Both are good looking people, it was nice to hear how they connected. Gave me a bit of hope of a late courtship being possible, one worth waiting for.

Reflection - Once the benefit dinner was over I thought I would have all sorts of time on my hands. This whole week has been filled! Something going on every evening! Saturday is the first day to relax in what feels like forever! I was already invited to dinner at Ludek's and I'd love to go but I'm feeling like I really need to get a full day of "me time".

I've done a lot of reflection in the last week. I spent a little time working through some thoughts and insecurities that arose in the last week or so. There are phases where God reveals things that need to be changed. One being that I tend to enjoy flirting and I find that in some respects I get my affirmation in the amount of flirting that is done. Whether with one individual or multiple. The flirting is not the issue, but the concept that I get my affirmation based on how much I flirt is. This is a slightly odd revelation but none-the-less true. There has been a lack of men to flirt with in my life, at least ones that I'm crushing on. Yes, there is a difference when there is an attraction involved. Part of the old me started to surface with wondering if I was attractive. Its amazing how an old part of me can still sneak in there. I'd love for a guy to let me know how attractive I am. It's been a while since I've heard that. But I need to accept my beauty for myself.

Another thing is my finances. I've let them get out of control. I paid off all my debt while working at linkLINE. When I was laid off I didn't change how I lived. I continued to live like I had no debt and could buy anything I wanted. I'm living beyond my means right now. Especially having bought a newer car this year. I finally sat down and went back to a strict budget. It's not fun but for now it's what I have to do. It's only for a time, it's not permanent, I won't be here forever, this too shall pass. Yes, sadly I have to keep reminding myself of that when I want to go out and buy something. I was in a similar situation when I worked at linkLINE and it didn't take me very long to get out of it. So I know I can do it now.

And finally time management. I've come to the conclusion that I am going to have to schedule "me time" every week. A night where I can do what I want! No phone calls, no guests, nothing but time for me. I can update my blog or online album, organize/clean my room, watch movies, read, whatever! Also I have started doing morning devotions. It's been nice but it hasn't given me that quality time to meditate, time for me to hear that "still small voice". I know I'm hearing God, even in some of these revelations/reflections this week. I know He's been a big part of the revealing aspect. But my heart is draw closer, to hear His voice more clearly. I also have a few projects that friends have asked me to do. I may use a night for those types of projects as well as my own, like which has been majorly neglected!

Sunday Update 9/23/07 - Well a lot was accomplished in the last couple of days! I found out Friday that I get a raise starting next pay period! Seems like perfect timing now that I decided to stick to a strict budget. I still plan on sticking to the budget but it just means my debt will get paid off faster. How cool is that!? Also Saturday came and went and it was wonderful! I used the day to clean the entire house. Yes, Mike, my roommate, seemed unsure of how that constituted as something I'd want to do with my first day off. But it was sooo rewarding to see how clean everything was when it was all said and done! My brother Brian has a jammin session going on with Forrest and Strav and I'm not embarrassed of how the house looks. In fact I'm proud of the way it looks. And cleaning is so theraputic! I put on Anne of Green Gables and cleaned away. Brian and Mike had some work they had to do so they were out of my way the whole time! I turned my ringer off and even left a message stating I would be away from my phone. I am looking forward to making a habit of that!

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

My domain is back up! YAY! Not sure if you guys missed me or not. But I missed you! I'll be posting an update with pics soon.

Monday, September 03, 2007

I'm house sitting in Rancho Cucamonga for my friends Doug and Sasha. I'm sitting at Doug's computer upstairs unsure if I'm in the mood to actually blog or not. In roughly 12 hours I will have officially been on this earth 30 years (don't get technical on me peoples!). Today is the last day being in my 20's. (insert side tangent) And oddly enough I will be in the same town my parents lived in when I was born! I always thought I was born in Rancho but I found out when I got my passport (needed a birth certificate) that I was technically born in Upland, but my parents lived in Rancho so they always told me that's where we were when I was born. hehe Either way when I wake up tomorrow I'll be in Rancho on my birthday 30 years later! Kinda trippy...(/end side tangent)

As I celebrated my birthday with my family today it hit me where I was a year ago and it was not in a good place. I was pretty depressed about a lot of things. Mostly the loss of my relationship with Sam in August which (at the time) I was uncertain we'd ever talk again. Thankfully we are still friends and talk/chat at least once a week which is more then I would have expected under the circumstances. Jesse had passed away that May and that was the most difficult death I had to face in my life so far. I had lost my job at linkLINE in July and had yet to find a new job and had gone through a lot of interviews only to be told I wasn't picked for this reason or that, and each one felt like a whole new rejection. To be honest, I was pretty self focused and miserable. Jason was there to encourage me to get past my beliefs and the feelings that held me back from growing though it all. He was my counselor and friend and well it always helped that he was so darn cute! ;) hehe Sometimes I wondered if my infatuation made it possible to hear all the harsh things I needed to hear.

Man... so much in so little time. It's amazing to look back! Especially when all the inner reflection and changes, though difficult, really brought me to a better place. God knew what He was doing... Who knew? ;) haha I guess I needed to go through it all to be prepared to hear and realize things about myself that weren't easy to face. Life changing. One year, so much happened in 1 year! Actually it was more like 6 months! I keep changing but from September through March was the biggest portion of my transformation. Things that held me back, even from childhood... Faced... Accepted... And let go!

Yes, turning 30 tomorrow is a new leaf. I want to say a new chapter but honestly I feel like it's a new series in the miniseries of my life. I have nothing but excitement in my heart about my 30's. Heidi pointed out that she hated turning 30 because the people in their 40's still consider you too young to know anything and the people in their 20's think you're old. I'm not sure if I agree. Though I have felt a little bit of a challenge having friends in their 40's. They do seem to bring up my age quite a bit. It doesn't help that I look like I'm in my early 20's. I still giggle like a schoolgirl, especially if I'm flirting or crushing. haha Well I guess we'll see.

My brother Brian is going to take me to lunch tomorrow afternoon for my birthday. :) That'll be cool. We'll be going to see Bright Eyes at the end of this month for my birthday present to him as well as for myself. My parents gave me money for my birthday and I plan on buying a couple pieces for my camera. My dad made me one of his awesome cards, he even put a picture I took from Fiji as the cover. It's such a sweet card. He seriously needs to sell them! My sister did my hair as her birthday present to me! It needed it sooo bad. Here's a picture of it. It's hard to see the length but it's a bit more layered and more blond. I like it.

Rachel, Andie and Heidi are taking me out this Saturday. I've mentioned it before and it's a surprise. I still have no clue what we're doing. I just know that they are going to pick me up around 8 or 9 Saturday morning, I'm supposed to dress cute/casual and shouldn't expect to be home till at least midnight! I'm excited. I enjoy keeping myself in the dark. My mom almost let it slip but I didn't push it. I've played a couple games to get more information only to be more confused then ever! hehe So I'm letting it be and waiting patiently to find out Saturday what we're going to be up to.

Well I think that's it for tonight. Happy birthday to Jimi and Doug who both share my birthday! It's so odd that tomorrow I won't have a commute! I can leave for work at 8:40 and still make it before 9! I have more to update but I think I'll leave this as a birthday post.


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