My Observations

* Disclaimer *

These are my thoughts; though they may be public domain, please have enough respect and understand that they are mine and are not for the use of your own deviant agenda.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

So I've spent the majority of my day on my butt watching tv and its been fabulous! I enjoy days like this. You wouldn't think I had a lot on my mind but I did. I went to a bridal fair this morning with Rachel and Rashaell because I'm taking pictures for Rashaell's wedding in March and we were hoping to get some ideas of what type of shots to take.

I saw a lot of booths with the typical wedding photography... yawn...

Until I recognized this guy, George Sillas. I recognized him but never knew he was a photographer. I went into his booth and was blown away by his work; awed actually. His style is so incredible and unique. I was immediately intimidated about taking pictures for Rashaell, knowing I could never reproduce such amazing photos, at least not with a month or even a year of preparation. Anyways, he explained that he's always loved photography, that it’s been a hobby, but has been doing it professionally for 2 years. He's pricy but I'm seriously thinking I will just have to budget his price for my wedding! Hopefully he doesn't go up too much higher by the time I end up getting married! Or I'll just have to marry someone rich. hehe Anyways, back to the bridal fair... I saw a couple other photographers that were close to the quality of his but everything else seemed so boring after his pictures.

I've never liked the idea of getting into wedding photography. I was never that impressed with the artistry of wedding photos. Well actually I saw one of my very first impressive wedding photographers from my coworker Mike's wedding photos. They used Joel Eckman Maus for their engagement and wedding photos. He sent me a link of his and Rocquel's wedding pictures and I was very impressed by the style! It was unique, and as Mike said "young and fresh".

As I sat watching tv today I was mulling over the concept of feeling intimidated and out of my element with wedding photography. How, if I had the financial freedom, I might not feel so confined. The equipment does make a difference. But honestly it's about applying myself, putting the energy into it. I put so much energy into other things for other people. I thought about how focused Jerry is about his newest business plan. He doesn't sleep much. Works a full time job, plus a commute, is also closing out a business, and starting this new one. How? I know his dedication. I see it. Do I have that kind of focus? Can I learn to say "no" to others while I pursue my dreams? Can I not enjoy a day on my ass watching tv all day? So many people in my life say I'm going too much, doing too many things, I need to slow down. I take days like today to make up for the lack of not stopping during the week. Is that how it should be done? Watching Jerry I see that I need to step up my game a few notches. Or does it go back to my issue with time management? See, I really wasn't zoning out on my couch. I was trying to figure all these things out.

How do I expect to get good at something without practice? I guess one of the issues I have with wedding photography is that it’s a one time deal. You can't just go out another day and get a better shot. Or what if I miss that perfect shot? That moment in time that captured the essence of whom they are as a couple. Man that's a lot of responsibility.

I finally got off the couch and had an email from Rach asking if I'd gone to the photographer’s websites. I hadn't. I was avoiding it actually. It was hard enough to see their stuff in person I wasn't sure if I wanted to look at their websites. But I went. And to my surprise it was less intimidating. I saw the pictures and not all were in perfect focus, or they had some digital enhancement, or shading to hide boring backgrounds. My fears subsided a bit. I realize that Rashaell isn't asking for George Sillas pictures, if I could give her at least a couple awesome shots and learn for the future that's all I could hope for.

It’s amazing how many people don't realize a website is essential nowadays. Going through the booths today I saw some great stuff but they didn't have websites! I didn’t think that was possible. It’s so easy to make and maintain a website I'm just surprised people don't have them! Going to the photography sites (the ones that actually had sites); I judged them by how professional and classy their sites looked as much as the photographs themselves. I can use my knowledge of website design and graphic arts to my advantage.

People have asked me to take family or event pictures and honestly I would much rather do that then weddings. But I think I just need to keep doing it. I'm no where near the knowledge for professional photography but I think I've made the decision to make myself professional… Whatever it takes.

Joshua and I were chatting the other day and we discussed going back to school. He told me he spends his spare time reading programming books. I have thought a lot about how his passion for programming makes it enjoyable even to learn on his off time. Rachel pointed out that the only thing in my life that has held my attention for very long is photography. So I have to ask myself, why haven't I continued to learn? I loved ALL my photography classes! I still have so much to learn. I've always known photography was a very competitive career choice and knowing I am not competitive by nature I never thought to go forward with a degree in it. Now I'm rethinking that. Joshua joked that I needed to just get married... to a rich guy... so I could fulfill my two passions... Photography and Travel.

I told Jerry I want to be his personal assistant so that I can travel the world and take pictures all along the way. When Jerry actually said it was a possibility it made me realize how much I want to be doing something I love. Both Jerry and Joshua are pursuing what makes them the most happy, I'm guessing that's the key to staying focused and enjoying every step of the way.

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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I had a fantastic weekend!

Friday - Considering the drama at work I am quite surprised my weekend turned out as well as it did! I look back and realize I shouldn't have cared as much as I did about other people’s stupidity, but it did mess with my emotions over the weekend and I finally decided it wasn't worth making a formal complaint. I have the complaint ready if the time comes to bring it out. The extended weekend was helpful; I was able to go through the gamut of emotions. Friday after the initial outrage I was in the laughing stage. My coworker who was in the laughing stage most of Friday told me today he went through all the emotions as well so I didn’t feel so bad about struggling with the situation and how it was handled. I am glad I went over to Jerry's right after work, I had a good time. I showed him some tricks for his site and we went out to dinner for his birthday. It wasn't too late of a night. I was home by midnight.

Saturday - I slept in a little but had a few things I wanted to accomplish. I went tanning, then over to Heidi's work and got my hair cut. She found out I was off Monday so she scheduled to have me come in to get my color redone. I spent some time talking to my friend Peter in Washington. He is a crackup and we had a lot of catching up to do since it had been 3 weeks since we'd talked! I can't remember what else I did so it must not have been much.

Sunday - After church I went out to lunch with Mike and Heidi and they came back to our place to watch movies. I took a 2 hour nap and then got up to watch movies with them. It was kind of nice. I don't get to hang out with them too often. It was a pretty mellow day.

Monday - I slept in, cleaned my bathroom, got to Heidi's work at about 1pm to get my hair done, and made my way down to Burbank at about 3pm to hang out with Russ. The drive wasn't too bad, a little traffic heading down the 15 but once I got on the 210 it was beautiful! The clouds were all stormy but the sun was setting below them and it made everything look majestic! That stretch of drive alone was worth the trip! Though I did enjoy hanging out with Russ. I always do. I ended up staying later then I should have considering I had to be at work this morning! I got home by 1:30am and was in bed by 2am and I'm feeling it right about now.

Yeah, a nice weekend! I felt I got a lot accomplished as well as enjoyed some downtime. What more could you ask for? I even have a fairly mellow week ahead of me! I'm going out with the girls Friday for Rachel's birthday. Our traditional Red Robin + movie outing. Tomorrow David and I are going to try and stop by Sweet Addictions to say hello to Annette and get some goodies. David's never been to Annette's bakery and really wanted to check it out.

Anyways, that's about it for now... Its so sad when someone young in Hollywood dies. It's a bit surreal that Heath Ledger is dead.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

One more day, only one more day till an extended weekend! I had every intention of driving up PCH but finances are such that I don't see that happening. I do want to make a day trip somewhere local to take pictures, I just haven't figured out where. I want to stop by and see my friend Russ too. Not sure, maybe I'll just get on the road and go where it leads me. We'll see. I may even end up staying home.

So we have a temporary addition to our place. My brother's friend. Not sure how long he'll be staying. But he's going through a rough time of things at home. Now it's three guys and a girl. You can imagine what that means for my choice of what shows we watch. I wasn't home till late last night so it hasn't really affected me.

Tonight I have to run to the grocery store. I'm out of everything. I also I got something in the mail that Jerry will be anxious to get his hands on so I can't imagine him not wanting me to stop by to drop it off tonight. I really need some downtime but I'm even excited to see this stuff. I also need to stop by my sisters tonight. I'm hoping she will trim up my bangs as they have become unmanageable. Today I just pulled them up in a clip it was so bad.

I'm currenly reading "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman. Tim recommended that I read it. And I liked the movie so much I wanted to read the original story. So I'm going to go read until I have to start the end of the day stuff, yes its really that quiet today.


Monday, January 14, 2008

Album cover meme -

My friend James is in the process of putting out an album and played around with this little album cover meme. I thought it was interesting so I decided to make one myself. :)

Here's what you're supposed to do...

1) Go to
The article title is the name of your band

2) Go to
The final words of the last quote on your page are the title of your album.

3) Go to:
The FOURTH image on the page is your album cover. You can choose to go to if you prefer a more dynamic, less philosophical cover.

4) Design your cover. Layout and presentation are up to you.

5) Post your cover, along with these instructions. In the comments your friends will tell you what kind of music you play and the name of the album's single.

Here is my album...


Friday, January 11, 2008

Well the old linkLINE crew got together tonight. It was fun to see everyone. We went to Red Robin and it was crowded and way too noisy! But all-in-all a good time. :) So I mentioned that I'd post a pic of our last get together and one of tonights... Here you go...

December 15, 2006

left to right - David, Erin holding William, Tim, me, Nancy and Carlos

January 11, 2008

back row - me, Nancy, Carlos and David
front row - Tim, Sasha, Doug and Erin

Annette was there but requested not to be in the shot as she had a rough day at her bakery which is called Sweet Addictions. Their website appears to be down otherwise I'd be posting it here.

Anyways, good times with good friends... I'm off to bed.

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Life is getting back to normal after the holidays. Though the whole new years reflection is still in full swing! I've always enjoyed a fresh start, whether it is a new week, a new year or a new decade. Something about turning 30 a few months ago filled me with hope/excitement for starting the new book in a series called A Chair’s Life. ;) hehe

I went through a fast (it was an all-church fast) that has impacted my way of thinking in a unique way. I wasn't sure what to expect. I have fasted before but there was something making me more determined in this fast. I was determined to grow up. I know that may sound odd but as a kid I was always encouraged to fast but if it wasn't food just that I denied myself something. I always had excuses not to fast. This time I wasn't going to do that. I don't live under my parent’s roof and I wanted to do it for me and my relationship with God. Since this was an all-church fast we chose to break it on a Sunday and we were all supposed to bring soups. I've always used my mom as a crutch not to make food for events like this. My mom even gave me an out and said she was bringing enough soup for me too. I made another grown up choice, I actually made a soup! This sounds silly typing out but in all actuality I'm dead serious.

The way this fast has impacted my thinking is realizing denying myself things (like foods), such as my daily morning starbucks really isn't that hard. I made excuses, "I'm just too tired and I need the caffeine"... Jason would say, "Sounds like a belief to me." hehe And he'd be right (… again)! It was just a belief. I love starbucks! Their peppermint mocha's are my favorite. But the financial strain of stopping by starbucks every morning was showing up on my budget! I think of all the benefits of cutting out my morning starbucks; it helps me financially as well as being weight conscious. Tomorrow will be 1 week without a starbucks. Go me! :) hehe

This one item has made me take a good hard look at other "beliefs" in my life. I'm sure there are a lot I'm still unaware of but a few have been brought to the forefront of my mind and I'm currently working on them. It's odd because I really do feel like I'm finally "growing up" at 30 years old! LOL!

So I put on a few pounds during the holidays and am glad to say that I have lost them and a few extra! I've been careful and getting back on a routine. I have also been trying to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier. So far, going to bed earlier hasn't happened other then last night when I wasn't feeling so hot. But I've been able to at least get up by 6:30 rather then 7. It's a start. I still want to get up by at least 6 and maybe eventually as early as 5:30. It's always harder during winter to get up when it's still so dark! I don't know how some of my friends do it! Waking up before the buttcrack of dawn, as early as 4am in some cases!

This week has been pretty mellow. I've made it that way. I really want things to stay as quiet as possible. I tend to get too involved in doing too many things and I never have time for myself. I haven't gotten the motivation to do anything for me just yet (like taking down Christmas decorations! or updating my online album, etc), but I figure that will come after I get used to the peace and quiet. But tonight I have to drive down to Irvine for my laser appointment. On my way back I'm going to drop off some stuff at Jerry's. Tomorrow night I'm going out with some of the linkLINE crew (most of them ex-linkLINE employees)… Tim, Annette, Carlos, Nancy, David, Erin and myself. The last time we all got together was right before Christmas 2006! I have a picture; I'll definitely take a picture tomorrow and maybe post them side by side. hehe We're even going to Red Robin again! I'm definitely looking forward to it. I miss those guys.

Well I think that's it for now. No pictures to post. I haven't really been motivated to go through them all. I took some pictures of the snow earlier this week. It was such a beautiful drive to work Monday morning! On Sunday night I was driving home from hanging out with Jerry and got to drive through the pass while it was snowing! It's so rare to see that in Cali. I like to enjoy it while I can.

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Tuesday, January 01, 2008

I am beginning to think I write best at night. During the day there are so many other distractions that you can’t sit and dwell on your internal thoughts.

So here we are, another new year ahead of me. Life is good. Thanks for those of you who commented on my last post. It was pretty hardcore and could have been a bit uncomfortable to read. I hadn’t intended on my last post going so long without another one to explain the outcome of the feelings I felt that night, but my website was having problems. linkLINE took it down and when it was put back up I wasn’t given enough space to make updates.

I think everyone goes through a nostalgic state of remembrance during the New Year. It’s a time to reflect on past situations and new outlooks. I have struggled with a few negative perspectives but overall I have an optimistic expectation to this coming year and what it has to offer.

I was pretty rough on some of the people (men) in my life in my last post. I was looking to them to remind me of who I am. This was my biggest mistake. Luckily that is remedied now. I watched “the Secret” again. It’s always helpful to get your mind off of the negative and onto something better. I also reviewed “The Work” by Byron Katie. It poses 4 questions that will help you look at things differently every time! I stopped myself from thinking of the negative things and just imagined myself doing the things that make me happy. This included traveling and taking pictures, this is one of my goals I have set for my life, not just this year.

But speaking of goals, I have a lot of goals set for myself this year. Last year I was on the right track but somewhere after summer I lost sight of where I was going. To be a little more honest then I am used to (I think this is becoming more habit then a rarity), Sam’s engagement caused a lot of internal struggles and insecurities to surface. I thought I was dealing with the emotions well but it appears that I was just projecting them off on other situations. Now that I found the core problem (*not* Sam’s engagement, something deeper), I was able to face the incorrect outlook and have been moving forward.

Since I have adjusted my mindset I have been pleasantly surprised by the people, friends and even the men in my life! I think because I’ve stopped focusing on the lack but rather the abundance in my life, I am attracting more of that. “What you think about you bring about.” Better yet! Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” I’d rather be thinking about driving up PCH with the windows down and my music blaring then how a friend didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Which, btw I plan on making that drive this month sometime!

It goes back to the 4 questions… I’ll leave you with them…
  1. Is it true?
  2. Can you absolutely know that it's true?
  3. How do you react when you think that thought?
  4. Who would you be without the thought?

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